Everything, and Nothing

Writers: Avery, Yvonne
Date Posted: 8th November 2014

Characters: Kapera, J'nus
Description: Kapera and J'nus try to figure out what Kopth catching Riyanth means for their relationship
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 19 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Ikalis, Cyradis

Kapera

}:Can your rider meet mine in her weyr when he is free? There is food.:{ Riyanth asked Kopth. Her wing's drills had already finished, so she perched on the rim and watched all the other dragons.

Kapera felt like a nervous teenager with her first crush as she finished setting up her weyr. She'd gotten Cyradis' assistant to bring up the food, and she'd arranged some extra glows around the weyr for good lighting. She wanted this dinner to look lovely and go well.

They hadn't really spoken much since parting after the flight, but it was less than a full day from when Riyanth rose. J'nus had spent the entire time thinking about the woman and doing his best to forget it. But there was something about gold flights that made her harder to shake, and if he was honest with himself, J'nus wasn't sure that he wanted to.

When Kopth relayed Kapera's invitation, J'nus immediately replied with an affirmative. He spent a few precious moments in his weyr cleaning up after drills, shaving the light stubble on his chin, and choosing something to wear that looked good-- but not too good. He had hopes, but it was also just as likely that she wanted to talk. They hadn't done much talking the previous day-- not with words.

Soon he was flying over to her weyr, greeting Riyanth as Kopth bowed down before the queen, and pausing at the entrance to her weyr as the dragons settled down together. "Hello?"

She'd taken the extra time to put on a lounging dress, one good for sitting around in the hot climate of this weyr, but she left her hair up in the ponytail.

"Come on in," she said when he arrived. "How was today?"

"Well enough. Both Kopth and I were a little slow." He smiled, a little sheepishly. "Not that we particularly minded. How was yours?"

"About the same honestly, but the others understand. I haven't actually spoken with Cyradis about it but I hope she's pleased that it went far. I get the sense the Cove needs another large clutch."

"The Weyrs always need large clutches." The bronzerider smiled despite himself. Kopth had not had much success in gold flights, and to catch a dragon like Riyanth... she'd flown far, though, and there were few dragons who could match his for stamina. "I'll be looking forward to when she clutches. It seems Riyanth had something to prove after her convalescence."

"I agree. Hopefully all that time on the ground meant she was storing up to produce many eggs." At least, that's how she hoped it worked out.

"It will be nice to be vindicated."

"I'm glad that you're pleased." J'nus leaned in to kiss her cheek in greeting. The action brought back a rush of memories from the night before, and he found it hard to step away again. "You look good today, by the way."

"Thank you. It's certainly cooler than riding gear."

She cleared her throat after a moment, then went after the fish on the plate instead of saying anything else. She mentally cursed herself for letting the moment grow awkward.

J'nus sat down beside her and picked up his fork. The dinner that Kapera had laid out looked amazing, and a far cry from what he usually scrounged in the dining cavern. It also made a safe topic for conversation. "So did you make all this with your own two hands?" he asked lightly.

"I wish. Though I'll have you know I'm better at baking than I was Turns ago," she told him, recalling that he knew about her baking attempts at Dragonsfall.

"I asked the assistant to Cyradis to work on a special meal this morning. She laughed and then came back with this just now."

The bronzerider shook his head. "Cyradis' assistant has a good head on her shoulders. This is delicious." He took a bite of fish, which was so tender it practically melted. It was lightly grilled and dressed with some sort of fruit sauce, giving it a delectable sweetness. "But why use hers and not yours?"

It truly was remarkable food, and Kapera wondered if the girl was always in the kitchens.

"I had one for a few sevendays, and it was very convenient. But she Impressed at Panitath's Hatching," she explained. "I could probably ask for another, but it feels..."

"A little too much like convalescing?" J'nus asked. He made himself try a bit of the salad, which was as delicious as the fish. Greens, fruit, cheese and berries with a tart dressing. "I don't think I'd like someone always at my elbow. I don't blame you."

"I was thinking entitled," she admitted. "I didn't have one at Dragonsfall so why should I deserve one here? The Candidates look so hopefully at me like I'm some enlightened person and I don't feel like I deserve it."

"Sure you do." He glanced up at her, caught her eye. Smiled. "They have to look up to someone, and who better than the Weyrwoman's Second? You're smart, you're capable, and have come back after a... difficult time. That's something admirable."

>From others she might have seen it as flattery, but from him it felt sincere. "I suppose that makes sense," she said. At least, it was a good thing if she wasn't grasping to have one, not like before, right? It meant she'd changed?

"The Candidates are often smarter than we give them credit for," J'nus said. "They're young, but they're not always foolish. Well... I was. But most of them aren't."

She gave him a little smile at that. "It's funny how there's the gamut of the serious ones to the ones doing it for a lark. I wonder how many of each kind will dominate this Hatching."

"Hopefully more of the former than the latter. Are there enough Candidates?" J'nus asked, suddenly worried. He usually didn't think much about them, but now that it would be Kopth's brood on the Sands, it was suddenly an issue.

"I hope so. They'll send out Searchriders soon enough, and surely there's always eager weyrbrats." But her tone was uncertain. She remembered what had happened at Dragonsfall; suspected J'nus did as well.

"I hope so." J'nus stared down at his plate, his appetite momentarily stunted. "I don't... the last time Kopth caught gold, we were a lot younger. Things were different. If there's anything I can do... or should be doing..."

This part she felt more confident about. Having a clutch as the most junior goldrider was the same as having it as the senior Weyrwoman, except for a bit more pomp and circumstance. It might have been a few Turns, but she remembered the right ways of handling things.

"I'll need your assistance the most once she clutches. She probably is not going to let me out the Hatching Grounds, and it'll be a struggle getting
her to let other people in, even the candidates. I'm hoping Kopth will be able to ease that somewhat."

"That we can do. Kopth has had plenty of practice dealing with surly types." J'nus smiled a little disparagingly, but even the reassurance of an easy
role supporting Kapera didn't ease the gnawing worry of a dragonet left alone on the Sands. And this time, it could be Kopth's... he couldn't bear that. "And I've been told I'm very good with the fetch and carry."

She laughed. "Maybe you should go out with the Searchriders to carry some Candidates back."

"Maybe I will. Or would, if Kopth could tell the difference between a potential Candidate and a stump."

She cracked a smile at that. "It does seem odd that golds and bronzes aren't the Search colors. It's their eggs."

"I've often wondered that myself. Perhaps it helps keep the rest of the Weyr invested in each Clutch, giving the greens and blues something to do."

"That makes sense," she said. Giving all of dragonkind something outside of Fall to do. She liked it.

"There's something else we should talk about..." she said, before forking another few pieces of the meal into her mouth.

J'nus lifed an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"We're going to be seeing a lot of each other." Which is of course what they were just talking about, but she was repeating herself with nerves. "And I was wondering what's going to change between us. With our feelings."

_Feelings_?! J'nus paused, somewhat stunned that she'd asked. Dared to ask. She was the one who'd drifted away at Dragonsfall Weyr, not him. And what he felt... he was nearly twice her age, and what he felt didn't matter. "I'm not sure," he said cautiously. "What do you think?"

She licked her lips nervously and continued. "I think that there's no requirement for a flight pair to stay together until the Hatching is over."

Of course there wasn't - often one or the other was weyrmated to someone else, and how rare was it for a pair with genuine affection to have a flight win? But there were old stories of golds only won by the rider's lover's bronze. Or chance flights that turned into weyrmatings. Harper's tales, mostly, but she could see why - there was something appealing about it, the romanticization of the animal lust of a flight into something more noble and emotional. More pure and relatable.

And she'd been silent too long, woolgathering.

"But...that doesn't mean some don't," she finished awkwardly. "And we have history, and..."

"We do have a history," J'nus said quietly. "Kapera, I... don't have any expectations from here on out. About you and me. Kopth caught Riyanth."

}:Fly her, and catch her...:{ Kopth whispered suddenly into his mind.

The bronzerider put down his fork. Catch her. Fly her. For what purpose, except to get hurt again? Or to catch that feeling again, to be happy and in love? "How I feel about you-- hasn't changed. I don't know what will happen next. But if you're worried that I'll ask you to do something you'd rather not... I won't do that."

What did she want from him? They'd been good together once, but she'd been flighty and irresponsible for all the power she'd held, and it had crushed her. None of that was J'nus' fault, and he'd been one of the good things from those times, something she remembered fondly and cherished. She remembered the golden sphere they'd never figured out how to open, the little wooden box he'd given her.

But then again, sometimes when she saw him she thought of snow and cold, of a girl playing dress-up in Weyrwoman's knots. Did he think of her the same way? He said his feelings remained the same, but the Kapera he'd known then wasn't the Kapera she was now. She'd grown in her time away from Dragonsfall, and it made her conscious of the gulf between their ages in a way she hadn't been then.

The history they both spoke of felt like a weight pressing down on the silent air between them that hung, awaiting her response to his words. Kapera thought she'd never felt so much trepidation about the consequences of her voice before.

"I have feelings for you, too," she finally managed in a wavering voice. "But I don't know what we should do about them."

Sometimes she was so young. The bronzerider sighed and wished he was somewhere else. "Maybe let's just wait and see. Plans always go awry." But his heart was in his throat anyway, and hope suddenly blossomed.

"I just don't want to hurt you with any dalliances," Kapera said softly, trying to reconcile her desire for freedom with her thought that maybe something could be built.

"But there's still months left, you're right."

And just like that, hope fizzled again. J'nus stabbed at his greens with a little more emphasis than he'd intended. Dalliances... of course she would. And
he didn't expect her not to. She had before, when they were at Dragonsfall, and things would end up the same way they had at Dragonsfall. In transferring to a new Weyr he'd make all the same mistakes over again. "A flight is whatever we decide to make of it."

"What I want to make of it is a good start here. From the flight, I want to make a strong healthy clutch, a solid crop of Candidates to Impress to every egg, and a few bronzes among them to impress the Weyrleaders." Those were the concerns a goldrider should have.

"On a personal level, I want to maintain a good working relationship with you. A goldrider relies on the clutch sire - I don't want us to be one of those pairs who never speaks." Surely he'd seen some of those.

Outside, Riyanth made a noise that could best be described as aggrieved.

}:Riders make it too complicated. A queen deserves a court of bronzes. I choose one and stay with him, but you can choose many in the same amount of time. Why not do that? The bronze should understand his place,:{ she complained to her rider.

"I'm not going to leave you alone on the Sands. You know that." They'd always enjoyed each other's company, even when things were... strained, otherwise. "And I want the same things you do. A strong and healthy clutch, and a Hatching Cavern full of Candidates. Riyanth flew far-- I don't think that a healthy clutch will be a worry." He set down his fork and reached across the table to take Kapera's hand. "And everything else, I'll support you in as best as I can. You only have to ask."

She twined her fingers in his. "We'll make the best of this. I'm so glad it was you." She wasn't sure she'd have trusted anyone else.

"Me too," J'nus said, and despite everything, he meant it.

Last updated on the November 30th 2014

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Everything, and Nothing