Jittery

Writers: Jelena, Miriah
Date Posted: 12th April 2015

Characters: Genna, Paetri
Description: Genna comes to Paetri for advice.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 3 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Harki, Rorela, J'kri

Genna

Genna fiddled with her bracelet nervously as she walked. The path she
took wasn't an unusual one - simply visiting a friend - but she had a
topic on her mind she felt quite uncomfortable to broach. However, if
she was sure that if she couldn't talk to Paetri about it, there was
no one that'd be able to help her. So when she found herself at her
friend´s door, she knocked lightly. "Paet? You in?"

"Come in!" Paetri looked up from where she was measuring a new set of
straps. When she saw her friend, she put down the hides and rose. "Hey
there! Congrats, I heard you /betweened/."

"I did," Genna grinned wide, her concerns temporarily forgotten as she
stepped in and embraced her friend in a warm hug. "It's everything you
said it would be. It's so exciting to think that in a while we'll be
able to just /between/ anywhere!" She stepped back from her hug and
looked at the straps. "Oh, you're busy! Should I come back some other
time?"

Paetri returned the hug with a smile and then followed Genna's gaze to
her straps. "No, no...sit down. I'm not to busy to visit for a while."
She ushered Genna to her small couch. "Want a drink?"

"Well, if you're sure," Genna smiled, taking the seat and nodding. "I
would love some tea, if you have some." Waiting for Paetri to fix with
the drinks, she stared at her hands, nervous energy still bubbling in
the pit of her stomach.

Pouring the tea, Paetri watched Genna, noting the odd behavior. She
frowned and then handing the cup of steaming liquid over to her, sat
beside her. "What's wrong, Gen? You're a bundle of jitters."

"Well, it's just..." Genna gathered her courage, knowing it was now or
never for as far as she was concerned. "Ever since we started to
/between/, it sometimes feels like every bronzerider looks at me like
I'm their next meal. I know it's probably just my imagination, but.."
she sighed, looking up at Paetri unsurely. "I've never actually.. you
know. And I don't want to be lured in by someone who just wants to
earn favours for when Lissath rises." There, it was out, at least.

"Oh..." Paetri nodded slowly. She could relate to that nervousness;
she'd experienced it with J'kri, even as close as they were before she
Impressed. "I'm sure they're very interested for more reasons than
that, but I'm sure some of them are thinking that too. They're going
to start courting you...probably a lot." She rubbed her chin. "And you
are going to have to do that, you know. But don't think its bad." Her
eyes softened and she blushed. "It can be wonderful. J'kri is...well,
he was perfect for my first time. Still is." She cleared her throat.
"But really, if you don't want to chose someone who could curry favor,
you could befriend a blue rider or even a brown rider that wouldn't
chase. It doesn't have to be a bronze rider. " She laid her hand on
Genna's arm. "Or even a rider at all."

"But a brown- or bluerider, or even a non-rider, they could be trying
to win favors too," Genna sighed. "I just want my first time to be
like that, you know, like with you and J'kri. I want that special
connection." And she wasn't sure if she could trust people enough to
be able to feel that at all. Not when it came to matters of the heart.
Though it was buried deep now, her mother's betrayal still stung
enough for her to feel that falling in love - or something presented
as such - was just asking for trouble.

Paetri took that in and then spoke softly. "You can't automatically
assume that someone is wanting that. You have to be able to trust the
person." She wrapped her arm around Genna's shoulders. "Is there no
man that you trust enough to do that for you?"

Genna sighed shakily, a faint hint of tears in her voice as she looked
at her friend. "Did I ever tell you about my mother, Paet?" She knew
she hadn't, but she needed a moment to decide if she was finally going
to tell this story. After a deep breath, she decided yes. "She was all
about reputation and nearly killed me with her education and stuffy
rules. And then for some reason, Faranth knows why, she threw that all
away to have an affair with a random hold guard. People are evil when
it comes to lust."

Paetri shook her head, then listened, her lips slowly turning
downward. "Oh, Genna, no...not evil. Bad choices maybe, but not evil.
And you're not her. Not at all. I had rules too and I was expected to
marry, but no one wanted me. The healers said I couldn't safely bear
children." She hugged Genna tightly. "I thought I was nothing but a
burden and was told as much. My mother hasn't come to see me since I
Impressed Camilth. But you know what? I'm not her and I'm not what she
thinks." Her brow furrowed as an idea came to her. "Genna...I know
this sounds strange, and you don't have to say anything right now, but
would you trust J'kri? You know him and he wouldn't expect anything of
you just because you're a goldrider. He didn't hurt me any more than
what had to be done; he was very gentle."

"J'kri?" Genna hesitated, her face a fiery red. "I don't know. I guess
I'd feel safe at least. But it'd also be really awkward, probably."
she sighed, thinking it over. "I just wish I had more time. Then again
I have a lot more time than you and the other greenriders had or have,
so I really shouldn't complain, should I?"

"You do have time, Gen." Paetri rubbed her hand over Genna's arm. "I
know it's scary, but I think...I think J'kri wouldn't let it be
awkward, if that's what you're worried about. I would give it some
time and really think about your options." Her brow furrowed. "What
about the brownrider in your weyrling class? I think his name is
L'ger? Are you close with him?"

"I'll think on it," Genna nodded, still quite obviously uneasy. When
Paetri mentioned L'ger, she blushed even brighter. "I guess we're
friends. But not in a way I would ask him.. for.. well, you know." She
sighed deeply. "I always thought I was meant for Weyrlife, now I feel
like the most Holdbred klutz on Pern.

Watching her, Paetri sighed softly. "So what can I do to help?"

"You already helped me by listening," Genna said as she got up to give
Paetri a quick hug. "I guess I just needed to talk out loud a bit.
Stuff like this gets more complicated the more you mull over it
alone." She stretched her shoulders and neck a bit as if shaking off
the thoughts. "I'll be fine, I think I just need to give it some more
time."

She paused for a moment before looking at Paetri. "I´m sorry, I´ve
only been talking about myself. How are you doing Paet?"

"Sometimes that's all you really need to do." Paetri agreed. "And it's
so different from how we were raised that it takes a lot of thinking
through. You should talk to Rorela and Harki. They helped me out."
Paetri smiled. "I'm doing really good. J'kri is wonderful and flying
thread is hard, but I can't think of my life as anything better."

"Maybe you could introduce me to them sometime," Genna smiled. She
didn't know the two that well and would feel awkward just going to
them for advice. "I'm glad you're so happy, Paet. Camilth must love
fighting thread. Has she changed since you graduated into the full
fighting wings?" She could imagine dragons living up to that moment of
graduation with a lot more excitement and a lot less nervousness than
their riders.

"I'll do that. They're...odd, but hilarious, really." Paetri sat back
and tugged at her braid in thought. "I don't think is as much love as
hatred of Thread. She wants to fly more of a Fall than she really can,
so I have to be careful. She's not really changed, I think. She's the
same." Paetri sighed. "It still scares me, but I think that's a good
thing. I'm more careful."

"How do you know, when she's reached her limits, then?" Genna asked
curiously. "Are there any tell-tale signs to look out for, or is it
just keeping a tab on her at all times?" Not being able to last a Fall
wasn't sometime Genna really had to worry about with Lissath. But one
day she might be in charge of the Queen's wing, who knew?

"I feel it. I feel how tired she gets." Paetri rubbed her jaw. "It
makes me tired too. I let my Wingleader know and I get sent back to
the Weyr."

"I figured it worked like that," Genna nodded. "I was hoping their were clear-cut signs visible I could pay attention to in fall, but I guess it's really up to the riders themselves. Is it hard to convince her to go home, then?"

"Sometimes. She thinks she can do more than she can some Falls. Others, not so much." Paetri settled back and got comfortable. "Lets just relax, okay, Genna? There's so much more to all of this than Flights and Falls." She offered a smile.

"You're right," Genna returned the smile and sunk back in her seat. "As always." And she gave her friend a thankful smile. How lucky she was to have someone like Paetri in her life!

Last updated on the April 19th 2015

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Jittery