She Makes You Feel Good

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 18th February 2006

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: Kalamath takes U'kaiah to see someone who can make him feel better
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 12 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "The Better Man?"

U'kaiah stood on the Weyrwoman's ledge with his arms wrapped around himself, shivering from the cold of /between/, the cold of the early morning, the a deep frozen fear. Kalamath crooned softly.

**No, Kalamath, I can't... I can't face _her_.**

}:You are not yourself. She can help you. She makes you feel better.:{
**I can't...** U'kaiah's mind whispered, another shiver running down his spine. **Oh shards, Kalamath, why did you bring me here? I can't, not after what I've done... I just _can't_...**

}:Go.:{ His bronze quietly commanded.

The bronzerider slipped off Kalamath's back and took long, painful steps towrds the opening, ignoring the gleaming gold with curious eyes completely. He didn't wait for a welcome as he walked into the Weyrwoman's weyr. His eyes locked on her, sitting on her sofa and sipping at her klah, wearing only the top she had fallen asleep in. "Trae?" he whispered.

At the sound of his voice, her head turned, her eyes raising to meet his.
And she stared at him; stared at his disheveled appearance, his haggard face, his dark eyes that seemed glazed, distant, even. Her shock was then replaced by anxious concern as she saw the tremors running through him.
"Where in Faranth's name is your riding jacket?" she snarled, rising to her feet and grabbing a throw blanket off the back of the couch. In the next moment she was at his side, settling the soft fur around his shoulders.

He bent down to allow her to wrap the blanket around him, but his head continued to drop until it found her shoulder, and his arms wrapped around her. "Oh shards, Trae..."

"What is it?" A hint of fear trickled into her thoughts. He was so cold... Her arms came up, her hands rubbing at his own arms to try and warm him. "U'kaiah?"

He shook his head, his forehead brushing against her shoulder. "I don't know who I am anymore," he said in a barely audible whisper.

Her hands tightened on the sleeves of his shirt at his words. What did he _mean_ by that? Shoving down that trickle of fear - she couldn't concentrate on that now - Traelyn leaned back just enough to help him move towards the couch. Her steps were slow and sure, guiding him, helping him. "Here, love... Sit down." She eased back with him on the sofa, pulling the fur tighter around him. Gently she smoothed his hair away from his brow, her dark eyes searching his. "Talk to me."

Images flew though his mind as he looked into hers. The fear in Sarian's eyes. The look on N'vanik's face. The alarmed cry of his dragon in his mind. As she gazed into his eyes he could feel the shame eating away at his gut. It was almost painful. He couldn't look into her eyes, he just couldn't. If she knew...

Shaking his head he stood up. "I shouldn't be here, Trae. I shouldn't..." He turned back to look at her pleadingly.

He wanted to tell her, but he was afraid of what she would say. What she would do. What if she never wanted to see him again? What if those eyes that were filled with such love and concern turned to stone? The chilling fear overcame the burning shame as he sank down to the floor and rested his head on the goldrider's knees. "Shards Trae. I am... so _lost_."

She leaned forward, threading her fingers through his hair, her thumb brushing against his brow. The fear was back, and she couldn't shove it down, not with him kneeling before her like he was now. "U'kaiah, you've got to talk to me. Please?" **You're scaring me...**

The bronzerider shook his head and pressed his brow to her soft warm skin, wishing he could just hide there. His long fingers traced the skin of her bare legs to wrap themselves around her hips, holding her as he floundered in the depths. "I don't know this man who I've become. But I know I can't get through this without you, Trae. I can't lose you."

His caressing fingers sent shivers up her spine, and her breathing hitched slightly as they came to tighten at her hips. One hand went to one of his while the other reached to cup his cheek, lifting his face to hers. "What would make you say that?" Her tone was a bit sharper than she intended, but her touch was soft. What had _happened_ to him?

He leaned his cheek into her touch as his eyes searched hers. There was no loathing, no disgust or anger, just soft concern and genuine depth of feeling. His uncovered hand lifted to slide around the back of her neck and into her soft blonde hair. "Whatever happens, Trae, please... Just remember the man that I _was_."

"You're not making any sense," she whispered.

U'kaiah gave her an apologetic half smile. "Nothing makes sense to me."
It quickly faded as he turned his eyes away. "I did something tonight.
Something... I'm so ashamed of. It was wrong. It was _so_ wrong, Trae, but I did it. And I can't take it back. And I'm so afraid when you know... that I will lose you."

"Please tell me." Her voice was quiet, almost strained; and that trickle of fear that was intensifying was beginning to show in her dark eyes -
something that she didn't want him to see. What could he have done? The backs of her fingers caressed his cheek. "Talk to me. You have no reason to doubt me. You know that, U'kaiah."

He nodded as he rubbed his cheek against her fingers. She had been his constant those past few months. But there were other loyalties at play.
When she knew about N'vanik... His eyes squeezed shut and his sore jaw tightened as he pictured her face when she heard what _he_ had to say. He didn't doubt her, but when she knew, she wouldn't be able to help but doubt _him_...

Traelyn touched the tightened muscles of his jaw like he had done to soothe her so many times before this; the fingers of her other hand lacing through his, hoping to ease him with her caress - hoping that it would be enough to get him to open to her. The back of her finger tenderly stroked his jawline, her dark eyes raising to meet his.

The significance was not lost on him. U'kaiah's eyes opened to meet hers.
He could feel the storm in his soul being calmed under her tender touch.
As his heart reacted to her tenderness, his fingers slipped down to graze the skin along the back of her neck.

}:See. She is good for you, :{ Kalamath whispered in his mind.

Her fingers moved, tracing the curve of his ear before trailing through his hair. She could see it in his eyes that this was helping. She'd do whatever she could to get him to open to her - to be honest with her. She wanted to murmur reassurances, but found the words lodged in her throat as she continued to stroke his hair.

It was soothing as he turned his head to give her easier access to his hair. His eyes fluttered close again, his breathing deepening, under her tender touch. Without even thinking, the finger that rested on bare skin on her hip began tracing little circles. She was so warm, soft, and comforting. He was slowly forgetting the fate that awaited him, and all that was real was the feelings she was awakening in him.

Traelyn closed her eyes and leaned forward a little more, pressing her lips gently to his temple as her fingers continued to slide through his dark locks, keeping the movement slow and soothing. "It's all right, love. It's all right..."

U'kaiah's breath caught at the feeling of her lips against his skin. He could feel their touch radiating throughout his body. His fingers slipped into her hair. He could feel it tickle his skin as it slipped down around his arm.

His bronze rumbled encouragingly. }:Yes, U'kaiah. Let her help you. She can make you feel good.:{ She shifted closer, her head turning so she could touch her cheek to his hair. Her other hand slid carefully up his arm, and she realized that he wasn't trembling anymore. Her fingers smoothed against his neck, rubbing in slow circles.

Shards, she was so close... His fingers left her hip and lightly grazed the small of her back. She smelled so good... If he just turned his head a little he could brush his lips along her neck... Her touches were quickly going from soothing to teasing. "Trae?" he whispered hoarsely.

Her hand stilled against him as she felt his touch on her skin. And when he whispered her name, she leaned back to look into his eyes.

What she saw there; the confusion, the sense of loss...and the need for her to touch him made her breath still. Silently, Traelyn searched his face, torn between conflicting emotions.

There was a hint of shame in his eyes as well. Their relationship had never been like this. They had only ever been friends, and he liked that.
She had brought out these feelings in him only once before, and the memory of her in his arms in her bathing chamber, looking up at him so willingly... He had stopped them before. He didn't have the strength to stop those feelings now. U'kaiah couldn't look into her eyes. He was too ashamed to let her see the soft light of desire.

"U'kaiah..." She knew it wouldn't be right. She knew it. And though his caresses were asking, coaxing... She just couldn't sacrifice their friendship - something pure and untouched in its own right - for pleasure.
Her expression was soft as she gently touched her fingertips to his chin.
She knew what it was like to feel weak inside, wanting to just lose herself in physical sensation. She was no stranger to that feeling, but this time, it would be she who would help guide him. "Please look at me. Please?"

He turned his eyes slowly towards hers. The bronzerider wasn't sure what he wanted to find there. He wasn't even sure what he wanted himself. It felt so good, and yet it felt so wrong to feel that good. Over the desire and shame was an absolute trust in the goldrider. She would not hurt him.
She would do what was right. She would save him from himself.

Traelyn took in a breath, holding his eyes with hers. She didn't take her hands away from him - it would be a sign of withdrawal...and she couldn't do that to him now. She wouldn't. Her fingers brushed against his jawline. "You know...you know it wouldn't help things, U'kaiah," she whispered. Shards, it was so hard to say outloud.

"I know," he whispered. But the look in his eyes didn't change.

Her hand began to tremble, and she quickly dropped it. "We can't."

He nodded. "It would be wrong." U'kaiah forced his eyes away from hers.

}:U'kaiah,:{ Kalamath whispered, }:Treadorth's rider says we must come back. We must come back _now_.:{ His rider nodded again in response to Kalamath's words. He didn't want to go. The heat he had felt for a moment was replaced by that small knot of cold fear. He knew what would happen. What _had_ to happen. "I must go back now."

Traelyn slowly rose to her feet once he stood, watching as the fur slipped heedlessly from his shoulders to the floor. **I wish you would talk to me...** Without a word she followed him through her weyr to where Kalamath was waiting. She wished she had enough courage to touch him. "U'kaiah...please..." She hesitated. "...Fly safe."

Last updated on the February 19th 2006

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She Makes You Feel Good