Still Got Culture Shock

Writers: Avery, Mirren
Date Posted: 28th November 2015

Characters: Z'then, Elona
Description: Two friends have a frank talk about reality.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 9 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: E'zar

Elona sat by the side of the Weyr lake, legs tucked under her skirt,
eyes staring in the direction of the water. She sighed deeply and
brushed a tear from her cheek.

Z'then recognized a figure sitting by the lake. He altered his pace to
head over. "Hey there," he said when he got within earshot.

"Hey." She sniffed and wiped her nose with a handkerchief she had held
in her hand.

He noticed the handkerchief and gave her a careful look. "Are you
okay? Did you get hurt?"

"No," she replied. She looked at him for a long moment and then softly
said, "I did something."

He settled down next to her. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you
just want a hug?"

"I'm not sure you'd want to hear it," she replied. "You might be -ashamed
of me…"

"I can't imagine how that would be," he said. Elona was a good person.
What could she have done wrong?

"There was man and I… we…" She swallowed hard.

He reached out and offered her his hand. "You wanted to?" he asked, to
make sure. The weyrfolk weren't supposed to push themselves on people,
but...

"Yes, at the time. But… it's not me just to…" She was holdbred. Girls
like her didn't go to bed with the first man they saw.

Z'then sensed an undercurrent behind her words. Had she been
overwhelmed by someone's attractiveness? Lonely and wanting to be
reassured? "So you think you made a mistake by...reaching out for
comfort?" he hazarded.

Elona sniffed and nodded. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. But
then… It's just not me. I mean, I didn't think it was. Maybe it is and
I'm just lying to myself." She was clearly confused.

Z'then was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to put what he
wanted to say into better words. "Maybe you can do something and say
"I don't know if I want to do that again." So you did it, and now you
know you don't like it, so..." He shrugged, losing his train of
thought.

"But what if I did like it?" she asked softly.

"Then maybe it means you need to reassess some things," he said after
a moment. "Weyrlife is kind of messy. It upends things you think is
right. It makes me wonder if I'm right, sometimes."

That was so close to how she was feeling that she sighed. "I know. I
don't know what to think anymore, but - I mean no one got hurt, and it
felt good, so why are we raised to see it as such a bad thing?" If her
parents were wrong about that, what else were they wrong about?

"I know that I might have to...to wind up with a male greenrider.
Because of Juvath. The Weyrs say that's a thing that's okay to do,
because it's for my dragon. The Holds don't think it's okay, because
Holders care about family and men and men don't make that... So, maybe
they're both right?" Z'then puzzled out.

Elona grimaced. "Doing 'it' isn't always about making babies. Well -
here it's not, so I suppose you're right. Back home I'd be married,
possibly with several babies by now. I - think I like it this way
better."

"You got to make your own choice about your son's father here. You
wouldn't have at home. And...I might have a wife too," Z'then
realized. "That would be...weird."

She laughed softly. "I'm sure you'd have been a lovely husband. I
think I'd have been happy to end up with someone like you."

"I try to be good to people. I wouldn't have wanted to be a bad
husband any more than I would have wanted a wife I couldn't like.
Here...I guess I can find someone I like, and then figure out what I
can be to them. It's options at the weyr. That's good, right?" But his
tone still had some doubt.

"I think so," she agreed. "As long as she can cope with you winning
greenflights. But you know - and I never thought I'd say this - but
you don't _have_ to end up with anyone. You could just have fun."
Plenty of Weyrfolk did it.

"First I'd have to - " He stopped short, flushing. Admitting that he
hadn't found anyone to be physical with was just embarrassing.

It took her a moment to grasp what he hadn't said. "Oh, you've never…?"

He studied his feet carefully. "Nope. E'zar always gets the luck. I
just stumble around."

"D…do you want to?" she asked softly.

"I dunno. I mean, I do - doesn't everyone? And I've got to now that
Juvath is gonna chase, and..." He shook his head. "I'ma sound like a
hypocrit, after what I was saying that weyr ways have their worth. But
it still feels wrong to just do that with _anyone_."

"What if that someone was a friend?" she asked. "Like- like me."

}:I think you should,:{ Juvath piped up inside his mind.

**No! I can't!** he thought back, panicked.

}:She offered. You want to.:{ Juvath knew how his rider felt.

"I...uhhh..." He was crimson now and stammering.

She reached out and lightly placed her hand on his. "It's all right, you
don't have to. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that." It
wasn't as though she'd had practice propositioning men though…

}:You're not smart,:{ Juvath said.

"Please don't take it like I don't like you," he said after a moment,
still red. "I need to figure out - me. Everything. But...thanks."

"It's all right." She drew her hand back. "I'd probably have reacted the
same way if anyone had asked, just like that. It's - better when it just
happens; and when it's with the right person."

"You're right," he said, feeling regretful for the loss of her touch,
and unsure why. "I guess we're both still feeling out where we fall on
the balance."

She smiled softly and then asked, "Just tell me I didn't mess up our
friendship?" This could easily be very awkward.

"You? No." The idea startled a little laugh out of him. "As long as you
don't think I'm rude for needing to think."

"It's better than crying by the lake because you _didn't_ think," she
replied, trying to look wise. "You can't take your first time back and
do it over. Whoever she is, just make sure you won't regret it later, if
you can."

"Thanks, Elona. You're a good friend," he assured her. "And...are you
feeling any better yourself?" When had he let her pain become about him?

"Yes I am, thank you. I think I just need to be myself and not worry
about what other people think. It'll take some practice." Luckily she
knew someone she was comfortable with, who wouldn't judge her or ask for
too much.

"That's sound advice for our lives. At least we've got a good, safe
place to do it at." For all his misgivings about the weyr's culture, it
was a safer place to learn to 'be oneself'.

"Yes, but maybe you should find someone to do it _with_ before Juvath
catches a green…" Elona winced. She sounded like his mother.

"I know. I'll work on it," he said. And he would. Once he found his courage.

Last updated on the December 1st 2015

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Still Got Culture Shock