Overwhelming Aftermath (Part 2 of 2) (PG-17)

Writers: Avery
Date Posted: 13th December 2017

Characters: A'kades, Jadirah
Description: A'kades is emotional in the aftermath of Onnyth's flight.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 1 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Onnyth
Part 1 of 2
Rating: PG-17

She stirred, pushing herself up and blinking at him. He could see now
that it wasn't Lenala. The texture of the hair was wrong. The eyes were
too pale, a light blueish, not dark and rich. But even though it wasn't
who he wished it was, it was a familiar face and figure - and one he'd
never expected to wind up in bed with again.

"A'kades. Are you all right?" she asked him.

Of all the people he imagined to be a flight moth, she wasn't one of
them. He swallowed twice to moisten his throat before he could manage to
answer. "Jadirah."

Surprise had left his question unspoken - what are you doing here? But
she seemed to know what he was wondering. She'd always been good at that.

"I heard Onnyth's challenge. I knew Volaith would chase. I knew you
wouldn't want to be with a flight moth. So I ran out there to catch
you," the Healer said.

He exhaled a long shuddering sigh. Jadirah was right. He wouldn't have
wanted to wind up with anyone else after the goldflight. Not while he
was still grieving. They wouldn't have deserved to just be unseen
receptacles for his body's needs. He didn't like doing that to a woman.

Jadirah was the only one he could imagine winding up in bed with, and
that was because of their history together. A history that had been
strictly procreative, and never before flight-related. Because flights
could be rough, gold flights even more so… and at that thought, horror
hit him. He saw the love-bites on her neck. He suspected she'd have
other marks all across her body.

"Did I hurt you?" he rasped out, horrified that he might have been too
eager, too rough, and hurt the remaining woman in his life.

He tensed himself, not sure there was any way he could prepare to see
horror or disgust in her eyes. He wasn't expecting Jadirah to chuckle at
him.

"I've mothed for a gold flight before. I know that they're more intense
than regular flights." When he looked at her but said nothing, she
added, "No, Kad, you didn't hurt me. It felt good for me. And I hope it
felt good for you."

His body was sated, relieved of the tension of the flight lust and
satisfied to have found an outlet after all of the celibacy. So he
supposed in that regard it had gone well. But he still ached
emotionally, looking at her. Oh, he knew the differences between the two
women; Jadirah was taller with longer limbs and lighter eyes, Lenala had
been petite and had curlier hair, as well as those rich eyes. But seeing
a dark-haired woman next to him in a flight cot still brought back
unwanted emotions and memories.

"I'm fine," he said.

"No, you're not," the Healer said, narrowing her eyes. "This is your
first flight since she died. I know you've been celibate. You've been
repressing yourself like the closed-off holdbred man you always were.
Have you even seen anyone about your grief?"

Her words hit close to home, and A'kades didn't need her bringing up
these vulnerabilities, couldn't deal with them at this moment. "Jadirah,
please."

Her expression softened and she reached out a hand to stroke it against
his face. "You've been so closed off and so different. I worry."

Maybe it was because he was still naked and vulnerable. Maybe it was
leftover parts of the flight emotions making his mind still clouded. In
the dim lighting of the impersonal flight cot, in the arms of a woman he
felt a strong connection to, with his defenses lowered by the intensity
of the gold flight, he finally broke down.

His eyes prickled, and tears began rolling down his face. She reached
immediately to pull him against her. A'kades buried his face in her neck
and began to sob. He didn't quite know why, and he couldn't manage any
words, any way of explaining what he was feeling. He just knew that he
was caught up in an overwhelming wave of emotion - of grief, of longing,
of guilt, of everything he'd been penning up.

He didn't know how long he lay there, crying into her chest while she
stroked his back, kissed his head, and murmured soothing words to him.
When he was finally done, she patted his back and instructed him to
wait. She got up long enough to get a glass of water from the pitcher in
the room and brought it over for him to drink. "Here," she said.

The bronzerider drank it down carefully, knowing he'd be having a
headache later. "Thank you," he said, and his voice hurt from emotion
and from sobbing.

"You know I want the best for you, Kad, and I hope it helped," the
Healer said, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"If you need to do this again, I'm here for you. What if I drop by your
weyr next rest day?""

"I couldn't take advantage - " he began.

"You wouldn't be. I love you. You're the father of my children and a
good man. If you need somewhere to cry, or if you need a tumble with a
woman who you know where you stand with, I'm here." She used her
discarded, torn shirt to wipe off his face.

"Besides, I didn't mean a proposition. It would be to catch up, talk
things over. If it leads elsewhere, that's fine too. I just want to make
sure you're not isolated."

"What did I do to deserve you?" he asked, finishing the water.

"You were tall, dark, handsome, and holdbred and therefore seemingly
unattainable," she teased. "Now go on. Let's get dressed and go back to
work."

"Thank you. For everything," he said, taking her hand in his and kissing
it, hoping the gentle gesture would convey what words alone could not.

Last updated on the December 21st 2017

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Overwhelming Aftermath (Part 2 of 2) (PG-17)