Can We Start Over?

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 18th August 2019

Characters: K'lvin, Riveenata
Description: K'lvin wakes from his dream about Bahji with a new resolution regarding Riveenata.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 25 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Bahji
Directly follows "DCW: Strike Point" late due to Avery LOA

**********

After waking up from the dream about Bahji, K'lvin hadn't been able to
fall back to sleep. Instead, he'd done everything he could think of to
keep his mind busy- changing the sheets on his bed, polishing all of the
wooden furniture in his weyr, dragging out and beating the dust from the
floor rugs. He'd even nudged Xmrenth awake, much to the bronze's
disgruntlement, and swept out his lifemate's weyrcouch and ledge.

When dawn finally broke K'lvin could wait no longer. He slipped
Xmrenth's riding straps on and coaxed the bronze into flying him to
Savith's ledge. Logically he knew that Riveenata was probably asleep,
but he had to speak to her.

}:Savith, my love, I am sorry to disturb you,:{ Xmrenth said to his
recent green mate as he landed on her ledge. }:My rider insists that he
see yours.:{

The green dragon tolerated being woken up early, because it was her mate
doing so. If another dragon, even a bronze, had landed on her ledge, she
would have been more disgruntled. Savith shifted aside to make room for
Xmrenth to curl around her. }:She is very asleep, but your rider may
come in.:{

"Riv?" K'lvin whispered her name as he stepped into the darkened weyr.
He'd only been there a couple of times, yet he could picture it in his
mind as he weaved his way toward her bed.

Riveenata had worked plenty of dawn shifts, but when she could sleep in,
she liked to sleep in. She was lying on her stomach, legs slightly
apart, one arm flung across the bed over a pillow and holding it like
she might a lover. She stirred slightly, enough to roll to her side and
curl into more of a fetal position.

The bronzerider hesitated for a moment as he watched her sleep. Was he
crazy? Couldn't this wait until morning? What if she woke up and kicked
him out of her weyr? It was exactly what he deserved, he knew.
"Riveenata?" he tried again, this time touching a hand to her shoulder.

The warm sensation of skin on skin stirred her to wakefulness. She
reached up for what was touching her, hand curling around it. "What is
it?" she mumbled sleepily, only half-cracking her eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry to wake you. I just need to tell you something, real
quick, and then you can go back to sleep." K'lvin promised.

"Mm," was the noise he got in response. There were a lot of words there
to process and her mind liked 'go back to sleep'.

Sensing her rider's tiredness, Savith took matters into her claws.
}:_mine_,:{ she said insistently. }:Xmrenth's is here, don't you want to
know why?:{ Becasuse the green certainly wanted to know!

And that was what got Riveenata to sit upright. Her sleeping mind had
just processed the intrusion as 'someone dropping by, not calling her
for a Healing or Threadfall emergency'. She hadn't really realized who
was coming to see her. That news shocked her into wakefulness, made her
roll onto her back to blink up at him. The sheet fell away from her top,
baring her to the waist. Even in the dimness of the weyr there were
small dark spots on her golden skin from their activities before.

"K'lvin?" she asked in surprise.

The corners of his mouth lifted. Faranth she was beautiful; hair tousled
from sleep, skin still bearing the marks he'd given her during her
flight. "It's me," he said, sitting on the edge of her bed. Coming to
her weyr immediately had seemed like the right thing to do, only now
that he was there, his tongue felt tied in knots.

She sat up and reached for the basket of glows by the bed, turning the
shield to let some light fill the room. In the new glow, it was possible
to see that her eyes were swollen more narrow than usual, a few reddened
vessels visible and puffiness on her cheeks. She'd cried herself to
sleep last night and it likely showed.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, voice still muzzy.

"I came to apologize and tell you how stupid I've been." K'lvin reached
out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Her eyes widened and her lips parted as air escaped her in a shocked
breath. "What?"

"I've been pushing you away on purpose," he said. "None of the things I
ever said were true. The time I spent with you wasn't frivolous. I just
said that to make you mad enough to leave."

Her skin, where his fingertips had touched it as he moved stray hair,
seemed to burn with the feeling of his touch. Her lip trembled slightly.
"Why would you do that?"

**Because I'm an idiot,** he thought. "I was afraid. Afraid that one day
you would wake up and realize that you were far too good for me. That
you would realize you would be happy with a whole dragonrider, rather
than a retired one. That you would want someone more your age. By
breaking things off with you early, I was saving myself from all of
that. Like a coward."
Riv shook her head, uncomprehendingly. "A 'whole' dragonrider... 'my
age'..." His words bounced around but she couldn't quite grasp them, not
yet.

"You should sit," she finally said. "And stay here, and talk."

"Should I grab us some klah and breakfast before we launch into it?" he
asked.

She licked her lips. "Might be a good idea. Uhm. Do you want to eat
here, your weyr, the dining cavern...take it somewhere else?" she
hazarded.

"I'll grab it and bring it right back here," he promised, dropping a
kiss to her forehead before turning and leaving the weyr.
Riveenata took the time K'lvin was gone to use the necessary and pull on
a simple shift in a deep teal color. She moved her chair aside and then
shuffled things slightly to make space for company, thinking, again, of
how small her weyr was. By the time K'lvin came back, she was sitting
brushing through her hair to get out the knots from sleep, deep in a
conversation with Savith.

K'lvin's change of heart was so sudden, so abrupt. He was saying what
she wanted to hear. What she'd wanted him to after the flight,
specifically. that he cared for her, that he wanted to spend time with
her. That his actions hadn't been a rejection of her because she'd done
something wrong. So why did it feel too easy? Why was she suspicious?

"Fresh klah," he said as he set the pitcher down on her table and then
set down a plate that had a few pastries and pieces of fruit stacked on
it.

"How quiet were the kitchens at this candlemark?" she asked. Her eyes
lit up when she saw one of the berry pastries. "Oh, I love these."

"I was the only one there," he laughed as he took a seat.

"I remember doing that a fair few mornings at River Bluff as an
apprentice. Usually my sister was in the kitchens, making it bearable,"
she said.

K'lvin took a drink of the klah, feelings as if the strong liquid was
effectively clearing his brain of cobwebs and a night of ill sleep.
"Okay, I am sitting and staying. Let's talk."

"It just feels so sudden that you changed your mind."

"Well, there was the flight yesterday and..." he hesitated, "I had a
dream last night too."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

The man's mouth worked for a moment while he searched for the words.
Talking about Bahji wasn't easy. "I had a dream last night.... Bahji was
in it. Telling me to let her go, essentially. To get on with living."

"Living the life you have now, not the one you had at River Bluff?"

"More like, letting Bahji go so I can have room to let someone else in."
He looked up at her.

"You were trying to protect yourself from heartbreak when I left you?
And me, from deciding I'd regret it?" she asked.

She sipped at her klah, rolling the taste around in her mouth, and
swallowed. Stalling? Maybe a little bit. She had to sit and process
through what he was saying.

The new information contextualized it better. He'd been pushing her
away because he was trying to protect her. Not because he'd hated her,
not because he thought she was a waste. Because he thought she deserved
better, and he was trying to protect himself from heartbreak.

If he hadn't been interested in her, that was one thing. She would have
kicked herself for misreading it, but hearing, 'I don't see you as more
than this' would have been fine. The way in which he'd done it had
seemed to at odds with the way things had been, had stung so badly.

"Something like that," K'lvin admitted. "It feels stupid now when I look
back on it."

"It sounds very stupid, too. To think you thought you could protect me.
Protecting yourself is one thing, but me? I'm my own woman and I have a
right to make an informed choice," the greenrider said, a surprisingly
strong burst of heat behind her words.

As soon as she spoke sharply, she regretted it. More conciliatory, she
said, "It hurt, a lot, the way you pushed me away. Even if you thought
that was what was best, you could have done it some other way..."

"I know," he agreed, voice gravelly. "I understand if you cannot forgive
me."

She bit her lip. A part of her - stung, hurt, angry - wanted to keep
holding back from him. But more of her remembered how bad she'd missed
him. How she wouldn't have cried herself to sleep if she didn't care.

"I still really like you," she said, only a small quaver in her tone.

He cared for her more deeply than he cared to admit, but thought it best
not to push things too far when he had not even been forgiven yet. "I
would love for us to start over," he said.

"Start over when it's K'lvin and Riveenata? Not something driven by our
dragon's flights, but something where it's us, as friends, making the
choice to be not friends? More than friends?"

It sure sounded appealing...

"Exactly," he said, reaching over for her hand.

"Sounds good to me," she said. And, for the first time since all of this
mess had started, she felt flickers of hope beginning to stir.

"Can I take you out tomorrow? A real date, for once," K'lvin grinned.

"That sounds lovely," she said. "You have something in mind, or gonna
surprise me?"

"It's a surprise," he said, "but dress casually, we will be flying."
"No pretty sundresses, or save them until after we've flown out?" she
asked.

K'lvin's eyes lit. "A sundress? Definitely wear that, no reason to save
it for after we have flown. We'll be alone on the date."

"I'll find you a special one," she said, resolving if she had to borrow
one from her sister she absolutely would.

Last updated on the September 3rd 2019

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