First-Hand Experience

Writers: Aaron, Heather
Date Posted: 27th September 2019

Characters: T'kala, T'ner
Description: T'ner argues with an imaginary version of his wife-slash-weyrmate, and F'aen pulls one over on him via T'kala.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 18 of Turn 9

T'ner was not precisely sure when his schedule and T'kala's would line up such that they would both have the time to talk at any length. As such, he had spent the time since talking to F'aen about his concerns over his relationship with his... wife – weyrmate, lover, the mother of his child, take your pick – fretting over how this chat would go.

}:If you've come to a good stopping point,:{ said Lehystrath, }:Dagreth's rider is ready to have a word with you about a certain Very Touchy Subject.:{

T'ner realized he had been reading the same paragraph over and over for longer than he could say.

**Now is perfect,** he said. **Where should I meet him?**

**Tell him to come on over,** T'kala relayed to Dagreth as he hastily darted around his weyr picking up lose bits of clothing, old cups sitting on tables, and anything else that made him appear like the slob that he was. Normally it wasn't _so_ bad, but T'kala had not had anyone over to his weyr in a while and he had let things go a little. By the time he had the place sufficiently picked up and put together he could hear a knock on the inner door of the weyr.

"T'ner," he said, nodding to the Weyrling when he opened the door, "nice to meet you, come on in."

"Oh, um. Hi," said T'ner, offering a smile and a wave before realizing what he really ought to do is offer a handshake. He felt so... out of place. Like he was the only one in a room full of people who did not belong there, but everyone expected him to fit right in.

"I mean, hello, that is. Nice to meet you, too. Thanks for... ah, agreeing to give me some advice." Slag. Now he was going to actually have to talk about it.

T'kala chuckled and then held gestured for T'ner to sit as he closed the door. "No need to be nervous, all Weyrlings have to consider mating flights and the implications behind them, whether their holdbred or weyrbred. I've got klah if you want any," he said.

"Have you got any brandy?" T'ner joked. He grinned and shrugged and said, "Klah would be lovely. Should I help myself, or...?"

This probably would be easier if he was a little tipsy, but Lehystrath was not ready for that, even if he might think he could handle it.

"I'll get it," T'kala said as he walked to the warmer and poured the younger bluerider a cup. "So F'aen mentioned that you might have some questions for me about what to expect for flights as a blue's rider?" He asked as he handed the cup to T'ner.

"Well." T'ner took a deep breath and sipped the klah. "It might be a little more complicated than just that. See, I'm... was married before all this... And I mean to keep my wife as my weyrmate. But... Well, she's been a little weird after I Impressed, and F'aen said maybe it was because..."

Another long sip of the klah.

"Well, because they say blue hides mean certain things. I don't know if I believe it. But. Flights are bound to happen regardless of what I believe. And what she believes."

"So I wanted to know what I need to know. So that maybe I can make her believe... I don't know... So that maybe I can answer whatever is worrying her. F'aen says... you know, *doing it* with a man is different. But he said you might be able to say how better than he could?"

T'kala studied T'ner. "So, just to clarify, you've never had any experience with a man before?"

T'ner sighed and covered his face with his hand for a moment. Every one of these weyrbred men thought he was so unusual for struggling to come to terms with this. T'ner, for his part, almost felt that he deserved a little more praise for how accepting he had been of the whole lot, considering what they expected out of a holdbred man.

"No, I haven't," he confirmed. "If I had, I wouldn't need to know how to go about it."

"Hey, it's nothing to be upset about, I just don't want to go into this assuming anything and miss important information." T'kala said, sensing the stress that this was causing for the new bluerider. "Lehystrath's blue hide _does_ mean that you must not find men completely unappealing, even if you have never thought about it before." T'kala paused to let that sink in.

"If you decide," the older bluerider continued, "that you're not interested in pursuing any relationship other than the one you have with your weyrmate, then it doesn't even really matter if you like men or not, does it? It will probably just be an uncomfortable thought for your weyrmate when you win a male greenrider's flight, right? Just look how uncomfortable you are now just discussing it and then image how that must feel on her end."

"That's what I said!" T'ner insisted, latching onto the bit about none of it making any difference because he was only going to be with Ayressa. Aside from flights. Of course, it was possible he had never actually said it out loud before, too. "Why should she be upset if it doesn't matter? Why is it different from before when she already knew I might end up with another woman because of a flight?"

"Because women are a known quantity for your wife, but you being with a man is an unknown, isn't it?" T'kala pointed out. "Most fear and prejudice comes from the unknown."

"It's not fair," said T'ner, folding his arms. "She doesn't have to deal with any of this; only I do. And if she believed my promises before, she should still believe them now. If I was so... so... If men were going to be so irresistible to me that I was going to leave her over it, I wouldn't have bothered to bring her and Resser here. I would have just run away where I could be with whoever. But I want her here with me. And I want her to stop being mad at me for something I couldn't control."

T'ner realized he was, perhaps, rambling to someone he had just met about something that might only be tangentially related to what he had come for. He blushed and said, "Sorry..."

"That's where you are mistaken, T'ner," T'kala said firmly. "When you are weyrmated it's never just 'your problem'."

T'ner huffed. "It just feels like she's changing what we agreed on," he said. "Even though... we haven't even really talked about it. Because she wouldn't say what was bothering her."

"You feel like she's changing what you agreed on and maybe she's feeling like you're changing who you said you were." T'kala pointed out.

"W-who... Who I am?" T'ner's voice rose with indignation. "I didn't make any vows about who I am; they were about what I'll do. I've taken care of her and our son just like I said I would, and I've stayed faithful to her just like I said I would. If that isn't enough for her to get to know who I am, I don't know what more she could have wanted."

T'ner cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you so worked up? You've not even talked to her about it have you? So you don't really know that's what she's thinking, do you?"

T'ner visibly relaxed as T'kala took the wind out of his bellows. He was right. T'ner had not talked to her yet. And he had no idea what she really thought. So he was getting upset about an imaginary conversation, something that never happened.

"No, you're right... Sorry," he apologized again. "It's just... It's hard to... You're asking about her thinking maybe she doesn't know who I really am, well... I guess maybe I don't know who I really am, either. But I do know that I love her. And I don't want things to be different."

T'ner took another deep breath. It seemed he had been trying to calm himself down a lot in the last few days.

"I came to ask you about how this all is supposed to work, not to yell at you... I hope you'll see fit to overlook my lapse in respect, sir."

T'kala waved off the apology. "No apology is needed. This is what Weyrlinghood is for, T'ner, figuring out who you are now that you are irrevocably linked to a dragon. Everyone makes this transition, T'ner, it's just more complicated for some than others."

T'ner nodded, though he was not sure how much progress he had made. He supposed he knew a little more about how he felt, but nothing more about how Ayressa might really react when he brought it up.

"Do I... Is there... I mean... What else do I need to know?" he asked. At this point, he was not sure he even knew what questions to ask.

"About what?" he asked.

"O-oh, uh... I thought I was supposed to ask about, you know... How it works when you're with a guy. But. Maybe I just misunderstood?" Whether that had been the original goal or not, it seemed like T'kala had been extremely helpful already.

"F'aen says they're going to want me to fool around before Lehystrath manages to win any flights, but I'm not doing that. But he said it's not the same with guys, too, so I can't just go in blind..."

"The Weyrling staff does not want any senior Weyrling going into a flight unexperienced. It creates traumatic experiences for both parties involved if things go poorly. You could find yourself or someone else hurt if you go into it with no experience." T'kala said. "So in short, yes, they'll want you to have some experience with a man beforehand, clearly you already have had experience with a woman. And just to be honest, it really helps when you wake up afterwards if it's not a completely new experience. It is already a bit awkward if you're not used to it."

T'ner wrinkled his nose and said, "Alright, alright," waving his hands. "Then say I want to be ready for getting some experience, what do I need to know?" He was not going to argue about whether he was really going to do it. Clearly that was going to get him nowhere.

"Well," T'kala said, smiling as if he knew exactly what sneaky thing T'ner was thinking, "if you actually go through with a firsthand education before Lehystrath caches, your partner will show you what you need to know."

T'ner folded his arms and frowned. Well, he was surely not going to press any further on that. He would just find someone else he could ask.

But he was still a little curious...

"And how do I find one of those? Just pop around and ask anyone with green knots whether he minds showing me the ropes?"

"No," T'kala answered, "although, I mean, you could, it just might be awkard. If you are serious about getting some experience, the Weyrling Staff has a few riders around the Weyr that do this type of thing for senior Weyrlings. I'm one of them," he winked. "It doesn't have to be a greenrider."

"Very sneaky, F'aen..." T'ner muttered. Half of T'ner wanted to say that if he was going to do that with someone, he wanted it to be someone he cared about. The other half realized that was crazy, and he should stay a million miles away from the bed of any man he cared about.

"Well. I'll keep you in mind, then," he said.

"You've got time yet to think about it. Try not to obsess over it or it will drive you crazy." T'kala advised.

"That's not the part I'll be obsessing over," T'ner sighed. "But next time I get the chance to see Ayressa, maybe I'll finally be able to reassure her. I do still want to thank you for your advice about that." That, if nothing else, had made the entire exercise worth the effort – even if the sex advice part had been a bust. T'ner was going to have to get F'aen back for that... somehow.

Last updated on the October 14th 2019

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First-Hand Experience