Pride

Writers: Estelle, Nici
Date Posted: 23rd July 2005

Characters: Enriline, Alalir
Description: Enriline tells Alalir about her concerns about the new holder of Black Ridge
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 7, day 10 of Turn 3

Enriline sat in her sitting-room with her hands folded in her lap, mostly to stop them trembling. She had come to understand, since her wedding, that her husband was a gentle man and certainly he'd never given her any reason to be afraid. But she had never attempted to contradict him on a matter of Hold policy before, and she knew that he had a temper and little patience with foolishness.

She had promised Gevina that she'd speak to him in a moment of heated anger, but now that was past she remembered what had followed when she'd spoken to Lord Ziadriel on a similar matter.

Even after the passing of so many Turns, the memory was enough to make her hands shake in fear. But despite that, she must honour her promise.

"Enriline, they said you'd be here already!" Alalir walked in, leaning over to brush his lips against hers. Entirely too intuitive where his wife was involved, he sensed something was off immediately. "Your hands are trembling...what's happened?"

"Oh, nothing of importance!" Enriline replied instinctively, and then berated herself for cowardice. "Well, there was something...something I wanted to talk to you about. If it wouldn't be too forward of me..." She half hoped he'd say it was, but knew him too well to expect an easy way out.

"I spoke to Gevina today. The young woman who just arrived from Black Ridge Hold." She twined her fingers together nervously. "She said she'd already told you of the reason for her departure."

"Yes, she came to be as soon as she arrived and we discussed it." Alalir was curious--Enriline so rarely got involved in matter that he would handle. Why she'd chosen this one was a mystery!

"I'm worried about her Hold, my Lord." In her nervousness she'd forgotten to call him Alalir and that worried her even more as she fretted over whether he would be annoyed with her for that, too. "She didn't say it outright, but I think the man who has taken over her home is no true brother of her late husband. He is...illegitimate." It was not even strictly proper for a Lady to know that such people existed, but she saw no other way to explain herself.

Suddenly it wasn't such a mystery any longer. "Ah. And so the fact that Lady Gevina's husband and he shared a father and that Gevina's husband _himself_ designated him Heir should simply be disregarded?"

"It's not proper," Enriline replied stubbornly. "We saw what came of _that_ sort of shameless behaviour at Emerald Falls. No good will come of treating this man as part of the Holder's family. Lady Gevina has already been all but driven out of her home!"

"I certainly saw what came of that shameless behavior," Alalir said, sitting next to her. "When a child is treated like _dirt_ because their father either wandered before he was married or after. I suppose had Lord Aswic _and_ Auren not died together you would have liked me to petition Conclave for Auren to be set aside after his devotion to Garnet Valley and his cousin then?" He sighed. "Suddenly, I see we have many differences in what we consider decent. It's....disappointing."

"Surely you do not consider the treatment of Lady Gevina decent?" Enriline spoke coldly, hiding her inner dread. Lord Ziadriel had considered her a disappointment as a wife, and had taken steps to rectify that. If only she had said nothing at all!

"While I cannot say I like the man's attitude regarding Lady Gevina, she seems like a rather intelligent women and one who will easily find a husband, one with possibly _more_ in terms of standing. But I will _not_ set aside a man's wishes for his Heir. What, next I must set my son Alajeran aside because he is only Half Blood and your high and mighty son, he of such _pure_ and noble blood looks down on him and on me? You must tell me where the limits to your elevated sense of propriety end so we can at least be aware of how lacking you find my decisions regarding my Hold." Alalir didn't raise his voice, but it was clear he wasn't pleased.

"My son is proud of his heritage - there is no shame in that!" She might not agree with everything that Enrizial did, but he was her child and to hear him criticised sparked a temper she hardly knew she had.

"Yes, he's very proud. And he's made sure I know it at _every_ turn. Quite frankly, it's become a bore--his constant _pride_. Of course, what would a lowly _dirt shifter_ like myself know of pride. Some days, I wonder why you lowered yourself to even marry me. After all, I'm hardly worthy of you!"

Her courage failed her and she shrank away, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Forgive me, my Lord - I did not mean to question your decision." The pride of a Lady of the Blood forbade tears, and so she bit her lip hard to keep herself from weeping at the terrible mistake she had made. "I will never do so again - I promise - only please don't..."

"Don't what? Don't give as good as I get? You've an opinion and I don't agree with it. This is a discussion, Enriline and if you can't engage in a debate then don't _start_ one. You meant very well to question my decision and it's clouded by your hatred of your son's half-brother. I can protect you, I can love you but I cannot erase the memories of the past...if I could, there were be many memories I too would erase."

"But I never should have said anything," Enriline protested, still gripped by the fear of being punished for her daring. "It's not my place to question you or dictate to you..."

"I did not let my first wife dictate the rules of our humble home. I allowed Jerandra _too_ much. I'd hope to find a decent balance with you. But please do not continue to toss your elevated status or that of your son at me. I won't stand for it. When I see you I do not see Blood, I see the woman I love." He rose. "If that is not good enough for you, then perhaps I was hasty in thinking you could look past all that and just see _me_."

She stared at him in mute horror. This was far worse than she ever could have imagined - to be cast aside, humiliated and sent back to a lonely and barren existence at Emerald Falls, where she would never see him again! For all her high birth, Enriline knew it was _she_ that was not good enough for him. She was not young or beautiful, and she would have no more children. She was hardly a desirable wife for anyone, let alone a Lord Holder. Yet despite all this she had allowed herself to fall, little by little, in love with a man who had begun life as a farmer's son, who had been the only one who'd cared enough to help her when she had been imprisoned and the other Lords had turned away.

"Well, speak up!" Alalir, when in a mood to argue, did not like to be kept waiting for a good response. And his temper was up, otherwise he'd have seen how distressed he really was.

Despite her efforts, tears spilled over her eyelashes and began to trickle down her cheeks. "Please don't send me away. I'd rather you beat me than made me leave - I'd rather be put aside and live as a drudge than go back to Emerald Falls alone. Please..."

"What?!" His voice came out louder than he'd anticipated and when she shrank further into her chair, his anger dissipated. "Enriline...we're having an argument. Well, we were..." He reached out carefully and took her face in one hand. "I am not so low a man as to beat a woman, especially one I love so dearly, nor do I have any intention of sending you back to Emerald Falls--unless it's to visit and even then I'm rather selfish regarding your time and would prefer it not be for long." His voice gentled. "You think me capable of either of those things?"

"I...don't think so." She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand, feeling utterly ashamed. Although she believed that there should be no secrets between husband and wife, there were too many memories that she could never tell him about. What good would it do? "But there are men who would, for less."

"As I told you, I can't erase the past..." He shook his head. "Now I feel horrible for arguing with you. Please forgive me."

"You have no reason to need forgiveness. I should not have questioned your judgement," Enriline said, though she remained unconvinced that an illegitimate son could be worthy of inheriting a Hold. Perhaps he was right, and it was her own suffering at the hands of Cazriel that made her uneasy without cause, but she hoped that she would never have to meet the new Holder of Black Ridge.

"You have every right to disagree with me," Alalir laughed. "You've an opinion. That doesn't mean I have to _agree_ with you. It certainly doesn't mean I want to beat you..." He leaned forward and kissed a stray tear on her cheek. "There are far more pleasant ways I wish to spend my time when alone with you. Any man who thinks differently is simply...unworthy of marriage."

"Yes," Enriline said, shocking herself. She had believed herself an inadequate wife to Ziadriel for so long that it was curiously liberating to tell herself that _he_ had been unworthy of _her_. "But I don't want to argue with you, Alalir. You've been so kind to me - and I was not brought up to believe that a husband can be in the wrong!"

"Oh, I'm stubborn. I'll never _admit_ I'm wrong in an argument." Alalir laughed again and this time his lips brushed across her own. "And I don't want to argue either...although I'm sure making up officially might be fun." Mercurial in temperament, his mood could go from angry to...something else in seconds. It was becoming quite clear where his eldest son got his own moodiness--even if the Lord Holder didn't _quite_ see it!

Last updated on the September 6th 2005

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Pride