I Think I'm Ready

Writers: Duskdog, Francesca
Date Posted: 29th May 2024

Characters: Chalzie, Cazavin
Description: Cazavin and Chalzie meet to discuss her progress in the craft.
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 12, day 12 of Turn 11

Cazavin sat behind his desk, looking over the file in front of him
idly. It contained everything relevant to the apprentice in question's
education at the Hall so far: her age and turns in the craft, her
basic marks in all of her classes as well as instructor notes on her
performance and attitude. There were a few notes, too, from the
masters and journeymen who had worked with her most recently, and
their thoughts on her strengths and weaknesses, and what, if any,
future she might have in the craft.

He tried to go into these things with as positive a mindset as he
could, but he had to have high standards for the good of the craft. It
was vitally important that dolphineers be equipped for the job
physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes other lives depended
on them, but at bare minimum, a dolphineer's own life was always on
the line. There was just no such thing as "perfectly safe" when it
came to the sea, even with dolphins at your side. But at the same
time, he hated having to tell an apprentice that they didn't have what
it takes. It broke his heart to break a youngster's heart, and sending
them home believing themselves a failure killed him a little bit
inside every time he had to do it.

Luckily, he didn't think that would be the case today. He'd sent a
junior apprentice as a runner earlier to let Chalzie know to come to
his office after her current duties were finished, and he anticipated
that would be any time now. His door was almost always open, anyway.

When Chalzie had received the message, she had been helping clean the
dolphin infirmary with a few other apprentices. Usually after
cleaning, she was able to linger a bit to visit with dolphin patients,
but not this time. As soon as she was done, she headed straight to the
Hallsecond's office. After over seven Turns at the Hall, she was
pretty sure she knew what this meeting meant. She tried not to
overthink it, but she was excited (and just a touch nervous) to
hopefully take another step towards walking the tables.

"Hello, Hallsecond," she said, entering his office.

Cazavin smiled warmly, gesturing towards the chair across the desk
from him. "Hi Chalzie, thanks for coming so promptly. Have a seat,
make yourself comfortable. You're not in trouble... but I imagine you
probably already know that, hmm?"

He expected that she knew, or at least had a very good idea, of what
sort of meeting this would be, but he always preferred to clarify just
in case an apprentice was especially nervous. He'd learned over time
that anxiety in a summoned apprentice didn't necessarily mean they'd
done something wrong and were expecting to be called to the chopping
block -- some were just naturally anxious regardless of what they had
or hadn't done. Either way, he took no joy in making them squirm, and
tried to avoid that whenever he could.

"How have your classes and duties been today? Anything particularly exciting?"

Chalzie appreciated the confirmation that this meeting was more about
her progress and potential readiness for walking the tables than
anything negative. At his questions, she smiled. "Well, I was just
cleaning in the dolphin infirmary. The cleaning isn't exactly fun, but
it isn't bad, and it's always nice checking in with the dolphins
there. Capey is almost fully healed and Frili is pregnant. That was
the best part of the day."

"Perks of the job, hmm? I've always thought that we'd have more
dolphineers if more people just got to spend a little time with them.
But maybe then we'd have too many dolphineers, if there's ever such a
thing." He grinned. "Do you think you're interested in the medical
side of things -- either dolphin or human? Or have you considered any
other particular specialty? You certainly don't have to decide
something like that now, but some apprentices seem drawn to their
niche early."

This was something Chalzie had thought a lot about for Turns so, while
she hadn't quite decided yet, her answer came easily. "Well, I know I
like talking to other people and helping them, but I'm not sure yet
exactly how I want to help them. My favorite classes are when we get
to practice water rescues, so I think rescue and salvage are my
favorite. I also like the medical side of things though, and want to
keep learning about diagnosis and first aid. I'm glad I have more time
to explore and figure things out."

"You absolutely do," Cazavin said with a nod. "Even as a journeyman.
You could stay a generalist forever if you wanted, but always decide
to focus on either path at any time if you decide to pursue something
more in-depth. I could always use more people with the guts for water
rescues and salvage operations, and I know Thayde would never turn
down another pair of capable hands for healing. Not that our duties
give either of us as much time for our specialties these days," he
added ruefully. "But the investment in those teams never goes away."

He glanced back over her file. "Looks like you've passed all your swim
tests with no issue. Are there any things you struggle with? Well,
struggle probably isn't the right word, let me try again: what do you
think your biggest weakness is, if any? Not what you think your
instructors think -- what _you_ think."

Nothing the Hallsecond shared was new, but it was still a relief to
hear that there wasn't any pressure for her to choose a speciality.
Chalzie couldn't help but smile at the brief comment about her
swimming. "You know, when I first came to the Hall, I could swim, of
course, but my stamina was pretty terrible. It took about a Turn for
me to catch up to the apprentices who had grown up here." Now, to his
question: "I'm not great at cartography," she admitted. "I can read
the maps but, when I need to create one, I'm not as precise as some of
the others. Overall, I think I'm better at the more hands-on, physical
aspects of the craft." She didn't have the patience or attention to
detail needed for cartography and didn't enjoy anything that resembled
hidework, even though she understood its importance.

"A lifetime of dedicated swimming in the sea _does_ make a lot of
difference. But the important part is that you _did_ catch up, and
you're where you need to be now. And I'll admit, I'm not much of a
cartographer, myself. My daughter's always been a better hand at that
than me." Cazavin noted that her estimate of her strengths and
weaknesses did seem to line up with the comments her instructors had
made. That was good -- it meant she was self-aware and able to look at
herself critically (hopefully without denigrating herself, but he saw
no evidence of that, thankfully). Lacking that awareness didn't make
an apprentice unsuitable by any means, but it was still a nice trait
that could take her far in both the Craft and in life. "Do you have a
good working relationship with any particular dolphin? One you think
might like to partner with you, too?"

She shook her head. "I've been working with some of the unpartnered
dolphins, but there isn't one I'm closer to than the others." She
hoped to partner with a dolphin at some point, but wasn't in a huge
hurry. "You've been with Nacto for Turns, haven't you? How did that
happen?"

"Oh, _Nacto_," Cazavin laughed, his eyes lighting up. The bond between
a dolphineer and their partner wasn't actually anything like the
mental and emotional connection between a dragon and rider, but after
a while it was impossible not to be deeply fond and proud of each
other. "It's a little embarrassing, actually. I tripped over a coiled
rope on the pier one day and fell off, knocking my noggin good on the
way down." He rapped his head with his knuckles for emphasis. "Not
enough to knock myself out, but enough to make me see stars for a
minute. Nacto saw and dragged me up to the surface until I could get
my wits about me and swim again. After that, he decided he needed to
babysit me, apparently, and called me 'Slippyfeet' for half a turn."
He rolled his eyes. "He kept pushing to work with me every chance we
got, and the partnership just... stuck. Sometimes it happens that
way," he continued. "Sometimes you just naturally ease into a
potential partnership, and sometimes they just take a liking to you
and all you can really do is hold on."

He jotted down a quick note about her current unpartnered status. It
wasn't a problem, just something to note. And then he put his pen down
and folded his hands in front of him on the desk.

"So, Chalzie, the most important thing to me right now, and the reason
I called you here, is because I'd like to know how _you_ feel about
the direction you're going. Everything in your file says to me that
you're ready to take the next step... but that doesn't necessarily
mean that you _feel_ ready. Accepting your journeyman's knots signals
a big commitment -- dedication of the rest of your life to the Craft
that invested in your training. You'll be taking on a lot more
responsibility, and expected to be able to work on your own in the
field when needed. When faced with that, some apprentices suddenly
feel a lot less confident about the choices they've made that brought
them here. What do _you_ think?"

Cazavin's story put a smile on Chalzie's face. She liked him. He was
maybe the most approachable Master at the Hall. She didn't expect his
next question, but it made sense. "I think I'm ready. You know, I came
to the Hall from the Weyr when I was thirteen. Back then, I just knew
I really liked being in the water and liked what dolphineers do. I
think the Master of Apprentices wasn't sure I'd stick around." She
thought back to her first conversation with him, when he suggested
she'd likely go back to being a Candidate. "But, I've loved being here
and can't imagine doing anything else. I've had a chance to shadow
many of the Journeymen and, while I know I still have a lot more to
learn, I feel like I'm ready."

"None of us ever really stop learning," Cazavin said kindly. "Or at
least, we shouldn't. You seem confident in yourself, not like you're
just putting on a brave face. I imagine, coming from the Weyr, leaving
and pursuing a whole new life isn't the easiest choice to make, but
I'm glad you _did_ choose us, and I'm confident that all of your
instructors are, too. Past opinions notwithstanding."

He closed up his file.

"I think we've had a good productive conversation today, and I know
everything I need to know. Is there anything _you'd_ like to ask _me_?
Any burning questions on your mind?"

She had a pretty good sense of how her life would change as a
journeyman, since some of her friends were a Turn or two ahead of her.
But, one question came to mind. "Do you have any advice? Or anything
that surprised you when you became a journeyman?"

Cazavin sat back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head and
looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment. "Oh, that's a big
question. I think I'd say... probably the change in how people looked
at me. I know we've touched on the responsibility a little bit
already, but this was more... well, things like the way people spoke
to me. My peers, the masters -- it was all different. They expected me
to know what I was talking about, and just assumed I knew how to do
certain things without asking. The apprentices looked to me for help
and advice. It all seemed like a lot, and for a while it felt like I
was just faking competence, and somehow getting away with fooling all
these people, because in a way it felt like I just wasn't old enough
to be someone trusted enough to be in charge of anything. So my advice
would be, if you ever find yourself feeling that way, to just stop and
think about how you got there. Be confident in the fact that the
masters of your craft were more than satisfied with your work --
enough that they _chose_ to trust you with all this. You won't know
everything, but you _do_ have the tools to figure out anything."

"I know things will be different, but I hadn't thought about it in
that way. Thank you." This conversation was making Chalzie even more
excited to finally become a journeywoman. It would be the biggest
change in her life since she had first arrived at the Hall.

"My pleasure," Cazavin said, holding his hand out to shake. "And
congratulations. I have no doubt that it'll be official soon enough."

Chalzie couldn't help the wide smile that crossed her face. "Thank
you," she replied, shaking the Hallsecond's hand.

Last updated on the June 1st 2024

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I Think I'm Ready