Back to Reality (1/2)

Writers: Yvonne, Avery
Date Posted: 16th March 2025

Characters: Kapera, J'nus, Riveenata
Description: N/a
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 2, day 9 of Turn 12
Notes: Takes place in the late evening

Kapera

Weyrsecond K'ran had ordered that all Healers watching the stricken Weyrwoman should be dragonriders. She assumed that was because the golds and bronzes could lean on the Healer's dragons to check what was going on with the Weyrwoman immediately, that if Kapera declined rapidly the Healer's dragon could yell for the senior dragons. Personally, Riveenata had an ominous thought, one she was too afraid to actually _ask_ a senior rider, not even F'lin - maybe it was because dragonriders were the only people who could be assumed trustworthy.

It was Riveenata's turn to check in on the goldrider. First, though, she had to brave the dragon lying in wait - her loyal weyrmate guard. Wingleader J'nus had been hovering in with Kapera, it seemed almost every moment except for when he was eating and sleeping and using the necessaries.

Riveenata poked her head into the room and cleared her throat. "Wingleader? It's time for me to take a look at the Weyrwoman."

J'nus startled, having fallen asleep earlier as he'd read aloud to Kapera. The rings beneath his eyes looked like fresh bruises. "Oh. Of course."

She hesitated as she drew in closer, noting his appearance and how old the last food bowl was. "Why don't you go for a quick bath and a meal not brought in here? I'm going to clean her up with water and make sure all functions are going well and...I mean, I know you're her weyrmate and have seen everything, but. It's a chance for you to tend your own needs as well."

He rubbed his hands over his face. Stubble scraped his palms. How long had it been since he'd shaved? If he went now, she wouldn't be alone... "All right. I won't be long," he said, slowly unfolding from his chair.

The greenrider gave him a sympathetic smile. "I promise I won't leave her until you get back, even if I'm done with the exam. I think it's a good thing you were reading to her, you know. When I was badly Scored awhile back, I vaguely remember that I had company when I was deep down and out in the sleep."

Riveenata set about her work, uncovering the blankets to expose the sleeping woman. First she took vitals, then she cleaned up what needed handling from the unconscious functions, and then began the process of giving Kapera a bath. It wasn't just wiping down the body, it was massaging the limbs for circulation, repositioning gently to avoid bedsores, and when Riveenata had done this care for other unconscious patients she brushed out the hair as well. She was working on that process, working on a knot near the scalp, when it happened.

There was a small moan.

Experimentally, the greenrider tugged at the knot.

Another noise.

She pulled out the comb and stepped back downwards, resting one finger experimentally on Kapera's eyes, feeling them fluttering substantially fast. She checked the pulse - faster than it had been.

A mixture of joy - Kapera was pulling herself out of it - and fear - would she immediately demand mercy when she knew - hit the Healer. She had to tell others. But also, she needed to not have everyone in rank descend down upon the Infirmary at once. **Tell Kopth first.**

She considered adding a comment about not telling the Weyrleadership, but decided she didn't want to get in trouble, and added, **Then tell Tymborikath and ask her to not have all the leaders descend at once. Let them have this moment.**

}:She wakes!:{ Savith said, not only to Kopth, but to J'nus himself, understanding the importance of this.

While she waited for J'nus to get back, Riveenata stood there tracing her fingers over Kapera's hand, feeling the little muscle twitches, watching the way it looked like she was a sleeping feline doing little kicks and twitches in a dream.

The strange mindvoice jolted J'nus. His hand slipped and he cut his cheek. He set the razor down with a shaking hand and washed the remainder of the soap and blood from his half-shaved face. Kapera was waking. She would need him.

She was going to hate him.

J'nus gripped the edge of the washbasin with whitened knuckles. Elation and fear made the room swim. She was going to come back to him, she hadn't died-- he needed her, and what would he do if she begged him to take her /between/? **I can't do this--**

}:I am with you always,:{ Kopth crooned. }:Go to Kapera.:{

He froze at the doorway to her room. Riveneeta held Kapera's hand. The Weyrwoman had lost some of the grey cast to her skin, but she still looked ghostly and frail against the sheets. He swallowed, his Adam's apple sticking in his throat, then crossed the room to perch on the edge of her bed and take her other hand between his own.

Riveenata looked at J'nus' expression, and wondered if he was going to pass out. She hoped not. She didn't need two crises at once. She knew she'd want a calming draught soon. If not enough fellis for a mercy draught, something for sleep. For either of them. As a person, she wanted to leave the room and give him privacy to be with his weyrmate - as a Healer, she didn't know if Kapera would wake in sobs or lashing out, causing harm to J'nus or herself. She was ready to react either way.

When the former goldrider did come to clear consciousness, it was with the violence the Healer had feared. Her hands contracted hard in theirs and she yanked with force, trying to pull them free of the entanglements. A wordless scream from a disused voice emerged, at first thready and then raising into a loud ululation of pain and despair. Her green eyes opened wide and stared vacantly ahead.

"J'nus, talk to her, get her attention, get through to her. And for Faranth's sake, don't let her hands loose, I don't want her hurting herself." They'd restrain her if they had to.

"I'm here! You're safe. I'm here," J'nus climbed onto the bed to wrap his arms around her. She was strong but he was bigger, and as he spoke he tried to say what Riyanth might have said. "I love you, I'm here, I love you." He felt like he was holding her together when she wanted to fly apart. "Please, I'm here. I'm here. You're safe. I love you. I won't leave."

Kapera had stayed sunk down as long as she could to avoid this knowledge but her body had pushed her up to awareness, knowing she needed to eat to live or else stay asleep and die forever, and some primal part of her needed to live. But now she was awake and...

Something was missing. Something vital. Something essential. There was a hole in her head. In her mind. Emptiness. Blackness.

"Gone, she's gone," keened Kapera repetitively, the word 'gone' echoing between desperate sobbing breaths for air, like she was strangled.

J'nus held her tighter, tears of his own pricking at his eyes. He could feel Kopth's steadying presence, his dragon's grief echoing his own-- but she had nothing. He clung to Kopth like he was drowning. "I know, but I'm here, Kapera. I'm here. Please don't leave me. Please don't-- I love you." His voice cracked. "I'm so sorry. I love you, please don't leave me."

Finally words penetrated and she made sense of them. The words from outside her head. Spoken words. Because words would never be inside her head. No voice of her lifemate. Because she had none. Because Riyanth was gone. Because her lifemate was gone, because she was _all alone_...

But the voice was saying she wasn't alone, and she knew that voice, didn't she? She knew it. It was familiar. She'd heard it every day for Turns. She trusted this voice. She'd heard it in the dreamlike dark place. It had reassured her then, too. That she wasn't alone. That she could fight. That she should stay. That she shouldn't leave. That it loved her. It was a voice she cherished beyond any. It was -

"J'nus," she managed to say, and speaking recognition was like a trigger for everything else.

Her eyes cleared from the unfocused void and she fixed them on his face, able to see him now. Half-shaved, bags under his eyes, looking half-scared and half-feral and all-desperate. With the return of sight became more awareness of her own body. She _had_ a body, she wasn't a weightless figure floating in a /between/-like space or a heavy sack battered in a dark ocean, but his body covering hers securely and weighting her down, and that her wrists and hands were being held tight, and her chest hurt and she felt sore all over.

"What happened?"

He kissed her head, momentarily unable to speak. She'd recognized him and said his name. "I-- Riyanth..." He closed his eyes and reached for Kopth. "She... you were attacked. I thought you died. _Riyanth_ thought you'd died. She... I'm so sorry."

**I shouldn't be hearing this,** Riveenata thought. Her throat ached at the way J'nus was speaking to Kapera, the way he sounded, the obvious care and love and need. If she hadn't already been sure of his devotion from the way he'd stayed by her side, she knew it from this moment.

"I'm going for a calming draught. Keep doing what you're doing," she said to the bronzerider.

Kapera didn't even notice the Healer letting go of her hand and leaving. There was only herself, and J'nus, and that Awful Truth.

It had to be wrong. He had to be - not lying but wrong somehow - Her eyes closed and she reached. Strained. There had to be some other reason she couldn't hear her dragon. There had to be a reason her head hurt so much. Why it was empty. Why she couldn't _hear_. She had to have...have gone deaf in some way and - but it would be all right, they'd be able to communicate again, and -

All she could find was emptiness, as black as /between/.

Last updated on the March 20th 2025

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