The Other Side of the Door
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Duskdog
Date Posted: 26th April 2025
Characters: N'jen
Description: Nijen reflects after the conversation with his mother.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 3 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Nidre
Directly after “The Knock at the Door”
Nijen didn’t run.
He wanted to. His feet itched with the urge the second the door closed behind him, lungs tightening like they used to when he was little and had said something embarrassing in front of the other kids. But he didn’t run.
He walked, slowly and with as much dignity as he could muster, down the corridor. Past the storerooms and the stairwell and the other weyrs, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket like that might stop them from trembling. It was evening now -- the sky burnished orange and blue, a few dragons wheeling above as they came or went to and from whatever evening activity their riders chose after fighting Thread. When he reached the privy, he shut himself inside, and once he felt like he was safe and alone, he leaned his forehead against the cool stone of the wall.
Well. That had happened.
He’d talked to her. His mother.
He’d imagined it a hundred different ways since arriving at Dolphin Cove. Some versions had her cold and unreadable, others angry that he’d come at all. Most of them ended with him walking away crushed and ashamed, vowing never to bother her again. None of them -- _none_ -- had involved her saying, “You matter.”
His chest ached, all the way down to his stomach. Not in a bad way. Not exactly. It was just too full, and he didn’t know how to let it out.
Before Carda had died, it hadn’t mattered so much. _She_ was his mother. Carda, who brushed his hair with fingers that always smelled like herbs, who taught him how to patch a tunic and how to stand up straight and how to say what you meant even when your voice shook.
And then she’d died.
And he’d felt... unmoored. As if someone had cut the string that tethered him to the world.
So he’d come here. Half because he wanted to see the Weyr, yes -- but half because he didn’t know where else to go. And he’d told himself it wasn’t because he was looking for Nidre. He’d told himself he didn’t need anything from her. Plenty of the other Weyr children didn’t have birth parents in their lives. Some people, like Nidre, weren’t meant to be mothers, and that was fine. _He_ was fine.
But he _had_ gone looking. And maybe, since Carda died, he _hadn’t_ been fine. It made him feel weak and pathetic, to know something had hurt so much -- enough to drive him away from his home and to this new place, chasing a figment of a mother who hadn’t had any use for him before, when he’d had no use for _her_ before, either.
His reflection in the water of the washbasin caught his eye -- a small, awkward boy with big brown eyes and too-big jacket and freckles scattered across his cheeks. He touched his face without thinking.
He looked like her. He wasn’t tall, or half as sure, but he could see her in his face.
He wondered if she’d noticed. He hoped so.
The moment that stuck in his mind was so small he almost missed it. Just her hand on his shoulder. Brief. Warm. Real.
Maybe she hadn’t known what to say. Maybe she still didn’t. But she hadn’t turned him away. She hadn’t pushed him out or told him he was too late.
She’d said, "I'd like that."
He took a long, steadying breath, trying to keep the sting behind his eyes from turning into tears.
He still didn’t know exactly what he wanted. But maybe it was enough to start here, with this -- one conversation, one moment, and the quiet, dizzy possibility that she might actually want to get to know him.
It didn’t bring Carda back. He realized that now. Nothing would bring her back, and he was afraid -- distantly, so distantly that he didn’t even fully acknowledge it -- that he would never be able to love someone so much ever again. That no one would ever love _him_ so much ever again.
But… maybe it didn’t have to bring her back.
Maybe he could be okay.
Last updated on the April 30th 2025