Everything

Writers: Iluva, Sia
Date Posted: 1st June 2025

Characters: M'thos, T'mhas
Description: M’thos and T’mhas deal with the fallout of Ghraisath chasing Barrier Lake’s new senior queen
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 17 of Turn 12

M'thos

T'mhas

Gossip travelled fast on the wings of telepathic dragons. Fianwyth relayed that Imbeth was Rising and, later, who the winner was. She didn't connect the dots as quickly as her rider when she rumbled a welcome back to Ghraisath who did, of course, tell her that they had been on transport duty to Barrier Lake Weyrhold. It simmered in the back of his mind as they worked through trios and nines with Chioneth's weyrlings, through dismissal and the subsequent debrief with the weyrlingstaff, all the way until he slid off Fianwyth's neck on their weyrledge.

"Tam." He called into the weyr as he entered and began peeling off winter gear. The weyr was at least _warm_, compared to the chill outside. "We need to talk."

Tam’s headache clawed behind his temples.

Now that the threat of becoming Weyrleader of Barrier Lake had passed, and he was finally home, he felt it in full - throbbing with the weight of everything that had gone wrong. Still, it couldn’t dull the palpable relief of Ghraisath landing on their ledge, or the comfort of stepping into the familiar chaos of their weyr: sheets of music scattered across the table, children’s crafts littering the floor. The rhythm of their life at Dragonsfall waiting for him.

Ghraisath’s warm croon to their favorite green settled it. He was home. And with that, the weight of what _almost_ happened hit even harder.

“Yeah, I know.” His voice came from the kitchen, low, rough, tired. Angry. A moment later, T'mhas filled the doorway, brows furrowed. “Want klah?”

"Yes, please." M'thos said. He pushed the mess of sheet music and hidework into a singular pile, not caring for keeping anything in order. Just to keep his hands busy. To make space. "Did you actually _want_ to be Weyrleader?"

“Fuck-” the cupboard slammed, “-no.” Tam turned and filled another mug, setting it down where M’thos had cleared space and leaning a hip against the table. “That was Ghraisath’s stupid fucking idea. It was supposed to just be transport. But that asshole decided he had a shot at it." His voice was like their link right now: pulled tight, man pushing dragon out after his dragon’s lust had unceremoniously pushed in. “You think I want to live _there_?” He asked incredulously, “Be their fucking Weyrleader? Shards, Mer.”

"I don't know what you were thinking." M'thos' tone rose to match in defensiveness. "But you knew that Barrier Lake was without a Weyrwoman, and that they were waiting for a goldflight. And given that Aluneth and Roquath are _also_ horny bastards, surely I'serin or E'kavas would understand if you requested they assign a different dragonrider to transport duty."

It was a reasonable suggestion. T'mhas could admit that. Logical. Fair, even. But everything that had happened there had been the opposite. Logic had been completely wrung out of the picture, replaced with emotion, lust, power. Pure Ghraisath. There had been nothing fair about any of it, nothing was logical. There - or here.

“If she'd just waited a few more candlemarks, we’d have been there and gone. I didn't know she was gonna fly _today_. Faranth, sometimes they drag it out for a week or more.” T'mhas’ grip on his mug tightened, knuckles going white. “You askin’ me to keep track of every Senior Queen's cycle every time I leave the Weyr?”

M'thos jaw tightened. "No, I'm asking for you to think before you blindly follow orders. Barrier Lake has been waiting _months_ for a gold to go up. It doesn't matter how low that risk is-- if Ghraisath wins, it's your problem. And what do you think would have happened if you'd _won_? I can't just pack up and follow you. And even if I could, Tam, what then? You could barely call me your weyrmate in front of I'serin and K'mai."

Tam's mug slammed down onto the table. The words conjured a sharp stab of guilt. One. Twice. Each echo thundered through him, tangling in enraged, desperate thoughts against his skull.

“Merry. K'mai's a loudmouth. I didn't know… What am I- what are we gonna do if he goes around blabbin’ to anyone who will listen? I don't _want_ everyone pokin’ their faces into our life here, tryin’ to get a _look_, makin’ it into a joke. It's _ours_.” His voice burned low with fury, fierce and conjured by the urge to protect.

But he hadn't protected. He'd hurt them. He'd left them vulnerable, and almost shattered everything by being the stupid one. Not Ghraisath.

Tam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look. I _know_. I screwed up. I wasn't payin’ attention to anywhere else and it coulda been...” A nightmare.

"What does it matter what that ding-dong tells people? _Tam_. How many people actually think we're just two guys living together? The ruse ended when all the kids started calling us both 'Dad'." M'thos exclaimed, exasperated. "Varethos is almost twenty. It's not like any of them have dubious paternity."

"And what would have happened if you became Weyrleader? I'm just your very special friend that's always around? Is that what this is?" M'thos put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about this for too long."

“I didn't think I _had_ to say it, Merry, not to that ding-dong!” T’mhas growled. “_We_ know it. Besides, figured it was pretty fuckin’ obvious after all these Turns and…” He shook his head. “You want me to say it? _Fine_. I panicked. I panicked like a fuckin’ Weyrling again when he was here. And it's a good thing Ghraisath didn't win, ‘cause I'd be a wherryshit Weyrleader as it is. I'd have torn that fuckin’ place apart if I had to live there - or _anywhere_ - without you.”

Out on the ledge, Ghraisath rumbled in concern, but T’mhas kept that mental gate firmly shut, kept his feelings as his own - now that he could. His eyes were fixed on that mess of blond hair, the defeated posture, the broad shoulders weighed down by worries _he’d_ caused. Faranth, he really was an idiot. M’thos had always been the open one, the easy one, the logical one, had to deal with him being difficult and stupid for so many Turns and beneath their anger and exasperation, he knew how scared M’thos was. How strongly that fear bit into him, too.

His eyes were burning, he realized. He dragged a hand through his hair, taking a steadying breath of his own.

Then, sinking down onto his knees, huge calloused palms brushing over the fabric of M’thos’ shirt, Tam gently pulled him to him. Just the feeling of him was a balm, just the thought of ever being without him too agonizing to let form. “I’m sorry, Mer.” He whispered. “You are _everything_ to me, and I almost fucked everything up.”

M'thos didn’t move at first. Tam’s arms around him were warm, grounding, but the storm in his chest hadn’t passed. Not yet.

He pulled back just enough to see Tam’s face; red-eyed, regretful, trying. Always trying. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d meant well. He always did. But Ghraisath's wings had nearly carried them both into a future M'thos wasn’t prepared for and hadn’t been asked about.

"I'm not asking you to declare it to the dining hall,” M’thos said quietly. “I don't need some dramatic announcement, but I don't want to dance around it anymore. We haven’t been kids for a long time. I can't keep pretending ”

T'mhas sighed heavily, his headache unable to decide if it was ebbing or growing. “I know. You're right. I don't want that, either.” Not anymore - not if it meant this.

"And I do think you'd make a fine Weyrleader,” M’thos continued, softer now. “That wasn't the point. I wouldn’t begrudge you trying for it, or leaving it up to Ghraisath. But I want to have a plan. I want to know that I'm going to factor into it. And that you aren’t okay with changing all of our lives on a sixteenth because of Ghraisath's whims.”

“I'm _not_ okay with that.” T'mhas growled, with more heat than intended. His rough thumb slipped along M'thos’ jaw as his blue eyes searched his mate's. “I expect him to keep trying for Chioneth and Anaeryth, just like he did Aglayath, whether he's got my blessin’ or not. He's never gone for another Weyr's Queen and I… Fuck, I didn't see it comin’.” He confessed quietly, “I should've, but I didn't.” The ease and comfort of their lives here had hidden the threats to it, the consequences lurking just behind each decision, waiting.

Exhaling, Tam shut his eyes. He saw that now. “I think I forgot what we were riskin’. Just thinkin’ we were safe like always,” He said after a moment, voice low, controlled. “But I don’t want to lose us. I don’t want to be the reason you feel like you gotta choose between me and our life here, or the Weyr and whatever Ghraisath decides.”

His hand slid down to rest against M’thos’ chest, grounding himself. “Look, if this is what our future looks like… Me ridin’ out to another Weyr to lead it, even if it’s only for a Turn, then we need to decide that together. I won’t just… go, and expect you to follow. That’s not what I want.”

He opened his eyes again, earnest. “A plan. For _us_. No more scrambling after. Less shardin’ surprises from the dragons. More sleep.”

"You forgot." M'thos repeated. Hurt flashed across his face before it smoothed again, to something more mild. Sad. He placed a hand over the one on his chest and squeezed it.

"I love you,” he said, simply and plainly. “And I’m not going to keep fighting for this alone. If you’re in-- really in-- then we figure it out together. Whether Ghraisath wins a goldflight or not. Whether we stay at Dragonsfall forever or end up somewhere else. We're too old to think that it's all going to work out because we will it."

He shook his head slowly, one corner of his mouth tugging upward. "Let's go get dinner, and we'll keep talking."

T’mhas grimaced at the shift in M'thos' expression. “Not _forgot_, Merry. Just… forgot how quickly things can change. How suddenly it can all go sideways. It’s been us for so long, I forgot us _not_ bein’ together was even an option. Does that make sense?” He drew him close, kissing his cheek. “I love you. I’m in, or anywhere else you want me. Nothin’s gonna change that.”

Last updated on the June 10th 2025

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