To Stand or Not
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Iluva, Sia
Date Posted: 25th June 2025
Characters: K'valas, A'garyn
Description: Kavalas and Aegaryn talk about Kavalas getting searched
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 22 of Turn 12
Notes: Cursing
Mentioned: Mesarian, Hesbia
Their 'quarters' inside the Weyr was split between several other holdless, cots separated by partitions to give an illusion of privacy. Jammed in wherever space could be found. Kavalas and Aegaryn had taken over a back corner of the area they'd been assigned, shoving their assigned cots together and what things they'd recovered from the caves dumped into a worn, donated chest to keep mess off the floor. The partition itself was old, too, a large folding screen found in the back of a storage room somewhere. Paint was peeling in some places, and it wobbled a little if they bumped into it.
Kavalas sat up straight on the cot, boots kicked off and feet tucked under him, leaning against the stone wall. He'd pulled out the search token again, rubbing it between thumb and forefinger. Zolta stared at him from across the bed, and although there was no way for him to know for sure, he was certain she was judging him.
"I was gonna tell you." He said out loud, looking over to Aegaryn. "Didn't know how. The look on Mesarian's stupid face was worth it, though."
Fingers locked behind his head, Aegaryn had been staring at the dark stone ceiling for however long they’d been back. He never doubted Kavalas would tell him about the Search, and when the words finally came he looked over. First at Kavalas, and at the expression framing the quiet confession, and then at the token in his hand.
The surprise had already worn away, like a riverbank in a flood, and his own expression was a muddled mixture of feelings he didn’t quite know what to do with, how to shape into something that looked or felt right.
“I know,” Aegaryn said, softly.
Still, it didn’t feel right. Maybe it was _him_ who didn’t feel right. It was a rare thing to be Searched. An honor. He shoved the knotted emotion deeper, down, away. Something to deal with later. “So, when did it happen, anyway?”
"Almost a sevenday." Kavalas admitted, "G'zan's green. I dunno why she decided to say something now. Maybe she liked me better after a bath." He searched Aegaryn's face, trying to piece together the expression on the other man's face. "I'm not gonna do it."
A sevenday.
Though it vanished as quickly as it came, a rare flash of confusion and hurt swept across Aegaryn’s face: that he had to find out when everyone else had was a slight shock, but the fact that Kavalas felt the need to keep it to himself puzzled him, sent something gnawing against his ribs.
“Why not?” Aegaryn asked, distracting himself a little by running a hand along his beard.
Kavalas watched him, guilt tugging at his stomach. He shouldn't have waited. There hadn't been any good way to tell him.
"I'm not leaving you." He said matter-of-factly. "And even if I did, and we were allowed to stay-- it'd only be a few more months. I'm too old come springtime, and that's assuming they acknowledge the Search. And if they do, what then? The Weyr won't give up a dragon, but they sure as shells won't allow a murderer to do whatever they please."
“No,” Aegaryn said quietly, “They won’t.” No one knew who they really were - what they’d done, what they knew and kept silent. But it was never a matter of _if_ it would catch up with them - only how long until it did. The longer they stayed here the more the past stayed with them, a shadow waiting to find form. Neither of them were foolish enough to assume it would stay hidden now that they weren’t.
“Springtime, then.” He mused with a distant look in his eyes. “We wait out the Winter, do whatever they want us to do until their hospitality wears thin. The passes will be clear by then. It’ll buy us some time to get more things together, too. Make a plan. Then… we go.” Aegaryn’s eyes slid back to Kavalas. “You sure you don’t want to try out your Search? I wouldn’t blame you.” But he already knew the answer to that - it was there in the way Kavalas looked at him, steady, unflinching. The way his hand moved to hold Kavalas’ like the floodwater could rise again at any moment. Exhaling, he asked, “What do you think? About any of it?”
Kavalas didn't answer right away, only held tightly to Aegaryn's hand. He shifted, the hard cot barely dipping as his legs uncoiled and he lowered himself to lay next to the other man, tilted just so to lean over him. "Thinking's your job, remember?" He said quietly, "But dead is dead, whether it's in the air in the middle of Threadfall or here on the ground. We've survived this long, we can keep doin' it."
"What about you? Do you want to? I'd give you mine if I didn't think they'd find out. But we could get you in front of the Searchdragons. If the others can get one, why can't you?"
“No. That token's yours.” He said, his hand tightening briefly around Kavalas’. The offer struck something deep and old in him, and not in a good way. Just the thought of stepping in front of the Searchdragons made the planes of Aegaryn’s stomach draw tight.
A disorienting wave of emotion rose too fast to separate - gratitude, tenderness, dread, a mix that left him feeling like a scared child, sick with guilt. He studied Kavalas’ face - so close, so real - and, despite trying to clamp it down, in a brief burst of memory Aegaryn still felt the reins in his hands, the thundering of hooves, the stillness that followed. He was still here and his brother still lay on the ground. Brothers separated these five Turns. An eternity in a single blink.
“I don’t know.” He said finally, voice rough.
Kavalas squeezed his hand back. He recognized the expression all too well, from many nights before. From nightmares.
Aegaryn blinked the memory away, pulled the air of the room back in. Despite wanting to search and twist and find another way, to _cheat_ fate, there really was only one way. Dead is dead, as Kavalas said. “Not sure I want a dragon. Search doesn't guarantee anything except a place here. But it’s a risk. A sharding huge one.”
"We can cross that bridge when we get to it. If we get to it." Kavalas said. He took his weight off his arm to lay flat on his side, the cot creaking quietly as he shifted. "You could always make a pro/con list." He added, teasing.
Aegaryn snorted, a smirk already forming. “Yeah, alright. Here's a big pro: Impress a dragon and finally become whole, or whatever the riders are always gushing on about. Con: get eaten alive, or worse, _they_ do, and we live empty and broken and insane til we die.” He didn’t exactly sound like he was speaking from imagination there, but as he thought about it, seriously considering the more likely implications, he couldn't deny there were other, more real, more immediate benefits to be reaped. There was a new glint in his eye as he turned to look at Kavalas.
“Hesbia had a point: it would strengthen our claim here, at least til spring. And the look on Mesarian’s face would be pretty hilarious. Another pro.” Aegaryn exhaled hard despite his smirk, “Fuck it, I guess it’s worth a shot.”
Perhaps Kavalas should have been relieved. Instead, he felt his stomach twist. He would Stand, if Aegaryn did. He’d walk onto that Sands with the rest of them and pretend it didn’t feel like putting his throat on the chopping block. But he knew what he was, what he’d done, and he didn’t believe for a second a dragon would choose him.
Last updated on the July 15th 2025