Away (2/2)

Writers: Devin, Dana
Date Posted: 7th July 2006
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: N'vanik, Traelyn
Description: After the terrible Threadscoring accident at Dragonsfall, N'vanik comes to Traelyn
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 2 of Turn 3

N'vanik

With a deep sigh, N'vanik let go of Trae and turned away from her, wiping his eyes. He got dust in them and tore off his gloves in irritation, throwing them onto the floor. Then he resumed wiping with the backs of his hands. **Shards.** How long had he been crying? Minutes? Candlemarks?

She was silent as she watched him, her dark eyes focusing on the way his movements turned impatient...even angry. She calmly studied the way he tried to hide from her...even though he'd let her hold him close. **No, N'vanik... We really aren't so different.** She knew how this worked, for she recognized a bit of him in herself. Better not to ask him questions. If he wanted, he would tell her. She would give him time. But if he were to run... "You can stay with me tonight." Her soft voice broke the heavy silence between them.

He thought for a moment, then nodded slowly, still not facing her. "I don't think I could go back there right now." His voice was quiet, but steady, to his relief.

Shifting, she slowly stood from the sofa. "You can get out of those leathers if you want. It might be better if you do." She kept her voice soft. "I'm going to go put another fur on the bed." Then she disappeared into the bedroom, giving him space, and a little more time.

Being alone didn't feel right. N'vanik got up and walked back to Nyith's part of the weyr. Loseth was curled next to the Queen and lifted his head at his rider's approach. **I should give you a bath,** N'vanik said, rubbing an eyeridge. The dull gray of the dragon's hide was striking, even in the dim light. The bronzerider knew most of the color was from grief, not ash. The thought brought a small ache.

}:I don't mind,:{ the bronze said. }:The rain can wash me if I need to get clean. But now I want to sleep.:{ His mental voice was weary, and it made N'vanik realize how tired he was.

**Sleep well then, boy.** He gave Loseth a pat and returned to the main room. Slowly, he began taking off his clothing.

As she smoothed the extra fur over the edges of the bed, she could hear the rustle of material. Good...he was listening to her. With a quiet sigh she slipped in between the warm furs and soft sheets, and as she looked up, meeting his eyes as he stood there at the doorway, she pulled back the corners, silently inviting him to slide in beside her.

For some reason, he felt a sudden urge to leave. It was fleeting, though.
Loseth wanted to sleep, and that soft bed seemed very inviting. **Weak,**
his father's voice said in his mind. **You cried like a little girl.** With an effort, N'vanik ignored it and crossed the room. He slid in next to Traelyn, but kept a small distance between them.

She noticed, and she could guess at his reasons for doing so. Laying on her side, she rested her head on her arm and looked at him...looked at his bloodshot eyes, his pale face still streaked with fading tear trails, the way his lips were pressed tightly together. Traelyn wondered if his whole body was tense. Gently she reached out then, the tips of her fingers touching his cheek, undemanding, but a silent question. He didn't have to tell her anything, but she was here...if he needed to talk.

N'vanik stared up at the ceiling. "Do you ever feel like . . . everything you touch goes wrong?"

She thought of all the men in her past. She thought of L'kub. She thought of B'ram. A sort of bitter half-smile twisted her lips for a moment as she, too, turned her eyes upwards. **Yes.** "Sometimes."

A few months ago, he would have questioned that. But he knew now that something haunted her. He'd seen it in her eyes, a reflection of what he felt himself. "Things just don't turn out like they should, do they?"

"It...it can feel like it."

"I just . . ." he sighed. "Why do other people keep getting hurt for my mistakes?"

Traelyn didn't know how to answer that, so she stayed silent, listening to the pounding of the rain, watching the shadows dance starkly across the walls as lightening struck outside. She wished she could say something that could help ease the feelings that must be raging beneath his seemingly calm exterior, but she didn't know how. Finally, she murmured softly, "Do you want to tell me about it, N'vanik?"

**Yes . . . no.** He went back and forth for a while, faces and memories passing through his mind: V'surin, his long dead mother, U'kaiah, Trae, Talryne. "I liked her," he said before he realized he'd spoken. "She was nice. She was fun." N'vanik realized he was already talking about her in past tense. "And now I don't even know if she's still alive."

She turned her head to look at him, keeping silent. Sometimes, she'd learned, it was better to just let a person speak what was on his mind...and not interrupt him.

The sadness and guilt were there, but they weren't as intense as before.
He felt dulled. "I ran away, like I always do."

"Why? Why do you run?"

"Because I don't know how else to deal with it."

**We both, I think, have been running... Maybe it's time we stopped.**
Easier thought than done. "And then you bury it," she whispered. "Bury it deep down so you try to forget it...but it never truly goes away. And it chases you in dreams...in memories..."

"And you're never free," he said.

A shiver ran down her spine as B'ram's hard green eyes flashed through her mind, then suddenly melting into L'kub's soft blue ones, and she slowly shook her head. **Never.**

N'vanik finally turned to face her, reaching a hand out to take hers.
**She really does know what it's like.**

Feeling his touch, she turned her head to look at him, to search his eyes.
And for a moment, she knew instinctively that they understood each other like they never had before.

He shifted toward her, closing the distance between them. Then he kissed her, softly.

Her lips slowly caressed his, seeking and giving comfort instead of passion. One hand slid to the back of his neck, her fingers warm against his cold skin, and there she gently rubbed, hoping to soothe the tension from him.

One arm went around her waist, and he held her against him. There was comfort in her presence, her touch, even in knowing that she needed comfort too. Right now, he needed all the comfort he could get. Maybe they both did.

Last updated on the July 9th 2006

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Away (2/2)