Fears
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 20th December 2006
Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn
Description: Biri and Nia talk about their fears
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 30 of Turn 3
Birigundi rubbed at his face as he walked towards Nia's room. What a night. And it had started out so well. Dancing. Laughing. Kissing. And then just like that, Rigella is in the infirmary and they could lose the baby. A baby Birigundi wasn't even sure he wanted in the first place.
But in that moment of panic and fear the thought that had kept coming back to him was **That's my baby...**
It truly was amazing how many things could go wrong. There are so many working parts to having a baby and even if one of those parts doesn't work right... There are chords, walls, linings, fluids, tubes - like a technician's wet dream. But any technician would say the more working parts you have, the more likely something will go wrong. And that was happening to his baby. The placenta hadn't attached to the wall, or had attached in the wrong place, and his baby could die. His baby could starve. His baby...
He knew Nia was asleep. There was an apology that needed to be made for running out so suddenly the night before. But what could he tell her? She didn't know about Rigella. She didn't know he was actually the father of _two_ children. And he couldn't tell her. Not until after their baby was born. But how could he keep this from her? He had to be with Rigella. He had to enourage her, comfort her. That's what she had said. And that was all he could. He was helpless to save his child except for that. How could he take care of Rigella and _not_ have Nialyn know...
Opening the door as quietly as possible, he slipped inside. He turned on one single light, but not because he couldn't find his way to her bed in the dark. The soft light drifted over Nia as she slept. It danced in her golden hair and across her cheeks, accentuated the roundness of her stomach. Kneeing beside her, he placed a hand gently on her belly, feeling the life inside. He leaned down to kiss it softly and sent a silent plea to his child inside - **Please, be healthy. Please, don't let anything go wrong...**
It could have been moments--or candlemarks--later when Nialyn finally stirred. Blearily she opened her eyes, blinking against the light. Strange...she hadn't left anything lit in her room last night. So why...?
Trying to get her sleepy mind to wake up and remember, Nialyn made to shift onto her back, and she realized suddenly that she couldn't. Birigundi's body was blocking her, his face was buried in her neck, his arm was wrapped around her, hand resting gently against her belly. She was usually such a light sleeper now...she wondered why she didn't hear him come in. Or feel him.
Nialyn laid there quietly for a moment, listening to him breathe, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against her back. But she knew he wasn't asleep. "I didn't think you would come back," she finally whispered, closing her eyes.
"I had a long night," he muttered, pulling her closer.
**You're being selfish, Nialyn,** she silently berrated herself. **Just sharding forget last night. Don't punish him...** "How is your friend doing?"
"Not so good. It was a rough night." Birigundi kissed her shoulder and the side of her neck softly, wanting to distract her somehow, though sex was the farthest thing from his mind.
"Oh... I'm sorry, Biri."
"These things happen." He sighed deeply as his hand rubbed her stomach gently. "I'm so glad to be back here with you."
"I'm glad you're back too," she murmured, watching his fingers stroke her belly. Even if it was the next day... Nialyn didn't want to admit to him that she'd stayed up well into the night, waiting for him to come back and celebrate with her.
His fingers stilled as he thought he felt the tiny movement of the life inside. "It will be soon, won't it."
She nodded, biting her lower lip lightly. "Sometimes, Biri...sometimes I think I'm ready. And other times I feel just so...unprepared."
"Are you scared?"
Nialyn hesitated, letting the silence envelope them for a moment longer before nodding wordlessly.
He buried his nose in her hair. Birigundi had never thought about it before. Not until he was faced with the possibilities. "Me too."
"What scares you?" she asked softly, hand wrapping around his. And she wondered if they were the same things that scared her...
"Well... That something will go wrong. When the baby is born. Or even now and we don't know it. I mean, anything could be happening in there and we just... don't know."
She shivered, eyes squeezing tightly shut. "I hate feeling like this,"
Nialyn whispered. "I hate it, Biri. I wish I could be one of those women who aren't afraid. Who aren't always anxious. Who aren't always thinking about what could happen..."
"Maybe this _is_ normal," he said squeezing her hand reassuringly. "Maybe everyone feels this way."
"Maybe..."
Birigundi kissed her shoulder softly as his arms tightened around her. "Everything will be ok, Nia." He wasn't sure if he really believed it as strongly as his tone suggested, but his faith was badly shaken. He _needed_ her to believe. He just couldn't carry all three of their fears on his shoulders.
She shifted, turning in his arms to look at him. "You're right, Biri." She reached up, softly touching his hair. "You're right..." He had to be. And they both had to stop being afraid of things that were out of their control.
Last updated on the December 20th 2006