If Things Had Been Different

Writers: Vix, Kaysea
Date Posted: 4th June 2007

Characters: Vanea, Faleen
Description: Faleen asks Vanea for work and living quarters at the Hold.
Location: Emerald Falls Hold
Date: month 4, day 1 of Turn 4

"Can I have a moment of your time?" Faleen knocked on the Headwoman's open
door, and stuck her head into the room. "I won't take long, promise." she
smiled weakly.

Vanea forced a smile past the first hints of a headache. "Of course, and no
need to hurry. If something is bothering you, take as much time as you
need."

"I wanted to know if there was work available here in the Hold proper? I, I
want to move out of the cot, now that Ferana is gone, I can't keep the
allotment that goes with it, and feel I would be of more use up here, than
down there in the cot on my own." It had been days since Fareena had moved
out of the cot, and though she hadn't actively looked for her, Faleen
suspected she was staying with her friend Caelah.

"We always have need of able hands. What type of work do you think suits you
best?"

"Put me to anything, I don't really care." she waved her hand aside, "I can
cook, I can clean, I can even empty chamber pots at the midden." She just
needed to get away from the sidelong looks and quiet gossiping that had been
going around the small cot community since her daughter had run away.
"Anything Vanea."

The Headwoman nodded thoughtfully. She had been so tied up in the work at
the Hold, so busy, that she felt out of touch. "Suppose you tell me what's
really going on. Tell me why you feel such a need to move to the Hold."

"I. . . I just don't want to be the subject of gossip any longer. Gossip
and speculation, and. . . Fareena has gone, left the cot, so it's just me
rattling around inside."

Fareena - that name was familiar. Vanea had heard a bit about her, bits that
definitely made her feel uncomfortable. She chose her words carefully. "Have
you spoken to your daughter? Are you sure that she's not coming back?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen her - in days." she breathed deeply, her hand
resting on her chest, "We..we had words, and she just..." a sob broke from
her, she waved her hand, "she just left.." the last word barely a whisper.
She dropped her head and lifted her apron to her face, sobbing into it.

As she waited for the woman to cry herself out, Vanea reflected on how she
would feel in a similar position. Her own daughters were at a point in their
lives where they were thinking about their futures, planning how to achieve
what they wanted. Already they had brought to her ideas that were contrary
to her own, but they had worked through them - more deferred them for
later - and remained on good terms. What if her daughters were to reject her
advice and leave? Would she be able to control her tears if that should
happen?

"I'm...I'm sorry Vanea." Faleen wiped her face on her apron and dabbed at
her eyes and nose. "It's just.. I need to get away from the gossip. I know
what they've been saying about Fareena, and about me. I get looked at
sideways every time I emerge from my cot, as though I am a wicked woman for
not making my daughter marry. I also know what they're saying about
Fareena, I haven't asked her if its true, I don't know that I really want to
know the answer, either."

Though Vanea had felt comfortable upon hearing the rumors, she chose her
words carefully, again reminding herself that she was a mother and that her
children meant more to her than her job or what anyone else said. "Wouldn't
you rather know the truth about your daughter and accept it? No matter what,
she's the same little girl you remember and will always be a part of you."

"No, better to ignore it. It's surely just something she's going through to
rebel against me. I can't let her see that she's getting to me. It's not
_natural_. If she were in the Weyr, even a dragon wouldn't choose her,
unlike the boys who are _that_ way." Faleen refused to accept the rumours
were true, they couldn't be. She had never looked at another woman that
way; what would Ferana have thought?

"If boys can be _that_ way, then why not girls?" Personally, the Headwoman
had a problem visualizing any person thinking that way, but who was she to
criticize? As the sole parent of her children, she felt responsible for
their decisions, and yet still did not know where they had acquired some of
their ideas. "Besides, if you talk to her, you may find that it's not true
or that she has a reason for her actions."

"A reason for her actions? I'm not sure I follow?" her face creased
momentarily, then hardened with determination, "Look, as far as I'm
concerned, I don't think anyone should be _that_ way. But that's neither
here nor there. I just don't want to know." she held up her hands, "It's
her decision as long as she doesn't rub it in my face."

Vanea nodded thoughtfully. "Alright. I'll assign you to work here in the
Hold. You'll help in the kitchen for now. I'll also find living quarters for
you. You can move in on restday and start work the next day." She fixed the
woman in an equally determined stare, her finger raised in warning. "In the
meantime, I expect you to find your daughter and let her know that you are
moving so that she can decide where she'll be living and if there is
anything she needs to recover from your cot."

"I will. Don't get me wrong Vanea, please. I _do_ love Fareena, and I'm
not abandoning her.... I wouldn't." Faleen shook her head, "and if things
had been different..."

"Things seldom turn out as we'd like to order them," was the Headwoman's
reply. "They are as they are and we need to accept them and move on."

"Thank you Vanea." Faleen nodded and rose from the chair, "I'll... I'll go
see if I can find her, and see what she intends doing."

"Good luck. I hope the two of you can come to an understanding of sorts."

With a last look over here shoulder, Faleen gave a nod, "Yes, I do too."

Last updated on the June 29th 2007

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If Things Had Been Different