A Mistake

Writers: Eimi, Dana
Date Posted: 1st August 2008

Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn
Description: For once, Nia lets herself go too far
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 14 of Turn 4

Birigundi

"Yes, baby girl, that's a beautiful one," Birigundi smiled as he took the
block offered him. "It's green. Can you say 'green'?"

Lyndi only looked back at the pile of colorful toys around her and reached
her chubby little hand out for another one, deciding she would give the
yellow one to him next. He was trying to enjoy this little game of hers,
but his mind kept wandering. It must be getting late. Shouldn't Nia have
been back to pick her up by now? Where exactly did she go? And more
importantly, who did she go with and what were they doing? She had been
seeing a lot of that brownrider, K'lar. Was she with him? Were they
alone? Were they laying in each others arms? That thought made Biri's
stomach churn. She had kicked him out of her life months ago. He had no
right to be jealous, and it wasn't as if he were ever starved for company
himself. And yet, every time he thought about that brownrider putting his
hands on her, he just wanted scream. Satisfying images of causing bodily
harm to the man flashed through his mind.

And then other images, depressing images, often followed. Memories,
really. The way Nia smiled at him when she wanted him to kiss her. The
way she'd look up at him shyly through her lashes just before she tried
something daring. The way damp tendrils would stick to her forehead after
they made love. All those things about Nia that he had thought were meant
for him alone. Was she sharing those things with that brownrider now?
This very moment? Each passing moment as he waited was a new torture.
Was she shyly seducing him? Kissing him? Running her fingers through his
hair? Digging them into his back? Was she thinking of him while she
screwed K'lar? It had to be screwing. It had to be. Making love was
something that was special, just between the two of them. He could almost
accept the idea of her screwing someone, but making love...

He jumped up as the door open, relief washing over him. Thank Faranth.
"Nia. You're back."

Her head snapped up in surprise. "Biri?" The name she used to call him
before they'd ended their relationship escaped her lips as she stared at
him, shocked to find him here. Clearing her throat to cover the awkward
slip, she half turned to close the door behind her. "You're here rather
late."

Shards, she looked... radiant. She'd obviously seen some sun that day.
"Yeah, sorry. I was... just playing with Nia."

"Ah. The colored blocks." Grinning at her daughter, Nialyn came forward
and bent over, bracing one hand on her thigh as she reached out with the
other to caress Lyndi's cheek. She was determined not to feel
awkward--she had no reason to. The day had been so sharding
wonderful...she didn't want anything to spoil her good mood. "Hopefully
you haven't been chewing on them, hmm?" Lyndi just gurgled happily and
handed her mama a red one.

"So... I came by your weyr to see Lyndi and you weren't there, so I
checked here. Her fostermother said you left the Weyr. Where did you
go?" Biri asked nonchalantly, fingering the green block he still held in
his hand.

Nialyn glanced up at him, slowly straightening. "To Dolphin Cove
territory. One of the small islands, actually." She must look a sight,
with her windswept hair sticky with brine and flushed skin--but she had no
reason to feel that stab of guilt. None at all.

One of the small deserted islands, no doubt. "Oh yeah? Who took you?"

She lifted her chin. "K'lar."

"Huh, that name sounds familiar..." he said, looking up at the ceiling as
if he were trying to remember something that had slipped his mind.

That he didn't remember annoyed her--and it shouldn't have. "He's a
brownrider."

"Yeah, it sounds familiar. I think he might have won my friend's mating
flight..." He shrugged as if it really didn't matter. "Anyway, you went
to the beach. That's a good place to go on a cold day. Which one did you
go to again?"

She shrugged a shoulder, admittedly miffed that he didn't seem to remember
K'lar or care where'd she gone with him...alone. Well, she should be glad
of that, shouldn't she? Shards and shells, it was over between them, and
had been for months. "Somewhere in Dolphin Cove territory. It was
gorgeous. I've never been anywhere but Amber Hills and here, and
it....shards, it was breathtaking."

Yes, he was sure it was. Oh so gorgeous and romantic and perfect... And
the brownrider was probably sharding perfect... And they probably
frolicked in the waves and stripped naked and did things that Birigundi
hoped got sand in places on that wherryrider's body that wouldn't come out
for days. "Were there trees and a beach with golden sands next to a
little cove?"

She nodded, eying him a bit warily. "But I'm sure many little islands in
that territory look like the one I went to." Maybe K'lar would take her
to more of them.

"There's not that many deserted islands where dragonriders go with
their... friends," Birigundi shrugged. "I've seen quite a few of them. I
probably have been there. In fact, there was this one time I went to the
beach with a greenrider..." He laughed softly, shaking his head as if
remembering some long lost memory. "Shards, there's just nothing like sex
on the beach, eh?"

Numb, she stared at him for a long, silent moment. "We didn't." Her
voice was very quiet. Too quiet.

"Oh, well, not to say you did," he quickly assured her. Fact was he felt
somewhat relieved. "And not that it's any of my business anymore."

"Just what kind of a person do you think he is?" she snarled, temper
finally breaking through her seemingly calm exterior.

Her sudden anger took him somewhat aback. "I... know nothing about the
guy. I have no opinion," he lied. Biri had plenty of opinions, but none
grounded in anything he actually knew.

"Not every guy is sharding like _you_, Birigundi." Her hand tightened on
the colored block she was holding. "Some actually know how to be
gentlemen. Some actually know how to _court_ a girl without tumbling her
in the furs first."

"Hey!" he shot back defensively. That barb had stung worse than he had
ever thought it would. "I didn't force myself on you. I didn't sneak
into your bed. You invited me, remember. As I recall I gave you plenty
of chances to change your mind, so don't say I was never a gentleman!"

"The only thing you understand is sex!" Nialyn wasn't even going to try
to explain her previous actions--her previous set of mind--to him. It
would just fall on deaf ears anyway. "And it was a mistake." But not
Lyndi. Never Lyndi. "One that I won't make again. I know better now."

He couldn't hide the hurt behind words this time. This time she had
pierced through any kind of armor he could have put up to protect himself.
He had been a mistake? The months he had stood by her? The months when
they had kissed and held each other, couldn't keep their hands off each
other... When they whispered in the dark and dreamed big dreams for their
little girl... All those moments he still clung to? It was all just a
big mistake to her? "Well," he finally said, looking anywhere but at her,
"I'm sorry that I was such a sharding waste of time then. You're right.
I guess that's a mistake neither one of us will ever have to make again."

She thought she would have felt better once she had finally hurt him the
way he'd hurt her, using words instead of actions. But looking at him
now, she didn't feel like she'd won a victory--she felt sick to her
stomach. The blood drained from her face and she looked down, biting back
the words "I'm sorry." If it had been six months ago, she would have said
them without hesitation. But pride kept her silent now. "I guess so,"
she whispered, folding her trembling hands beneath her arms.

It was a cruel thing for her to say. But Biri had never known Nia to be
mean. She could be blunt, she could be hurt, she could be opinionated and
demanding, but never cruel. So he could only assume that she had meant
it. And that hurt worse than anything she had ever said to him. At least
when they were just angry at each other he could still imagine that
eventually she'd come around, but there was something so final in it those
words. Why would Nia want him back if she had decided that all they had
been was just a big mistake. "Well, then... I won't waste any more of
your time." Without so much as saying a word of goodbye to his little
girl he turned for the door.

Tears filled Nialyn's eyes and she looked away, kneeling shakily down to
Lyndi. Gathering her protesting daughter in her arms, she held her tight.
**What have I done?** she thought as the door clicked shut. **What have
I done?**

Last updated on the January 19th 2010

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A Mistake