Why Now?

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 26th January 2010

Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: The two discuss B'ram's news ...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 7, day 2 of Turn 5

B'ram

It was a little strange to run his fingers lightly down Trae's back and feel fabric instead of skin. Usually when they lay together like this it was after having peeled each other's clothes off. It was rare that they would just hold each other in the night like most couple did. Their routine seemed to consist of sex, fighting, and then more sex to make up for it. But tonight neither one had really felt in the mood, and yet they still wanted to be together, to hold each other close and think about what the events of the day might mean. Very few words had passed between them as they lay staring off into the dark.

**A son...** B'ram still couldn't believe it. Heila had passed through his life so long ago, it seemed. A lifetime ago. Why did she have to come _now_? Why didn't she come before? Or why did she even bother telling him after so much time had passed? How strange to think that while he was here at Dolphin Cove living his life, somewhere far away a little piece of him had been left at Far Island.

Traelyn still couldn't quite believe it either. B'ram....a father. Maybe. The more she imagined it, the more possible it seemed. But every time she pictured him with a child, he was older. Matured. A man well in the prime of his life, a man who had seen more of the world, and was wiser for it, than the young man who was holding her now. B'ram could be the biological father of Heila's son, but in Traelyn's mind, he couldn't really be a _father_...not in the way U'kaiah was to Kaiafel...not unless B'ram moved back to Far Island.

Closing her eyes, she tightened her hold on him slightly. Shards, the very thought of him leaving more than unnerved her. But if the child was his, would he be going to Far Island more often? No...not B'ram. Far Island held too many past shadows and memories. That's why he'd left in the first place--he didn't want to be there. Just like she hadn't wanted to be there.

It suddenly didn't seem fair to him that she should come out of the blue. No warning. No hint. Just "I thought you should know, you might have a son..." And she doesn't even know if it's for certain! It was only a possibility! Shards, what did she want from him by telling him that? Did she want him to help support the child? Did she want him to be a part of the boy's life? Did she just want him to know but hope he wouldn't care? He leaned his chin against Trae's forehead, sighing deeply. Why now?

At length, the silence between them broke. "Do you think...." Traelyn paused, then, "...do you think that you'll go see him?"

He sighed again as he unconsciously pulled her tighter against him. It was the same question that had been running over and over in his mind. "I don't know. I guess I should. I'd always wonder if I didn't."

"Maybe when you meet him, you'll be able to tell..." her voice trailed off. Perhaps B'ram would know whether the boy was his or not when he met him, but if Heila couldn't tell, then how could he possibly know? Traelyn's temper flickered. And why _had_ Heila flown all this way to tell him that he _might_ be the father? Why stir up issues that probably didn't have to be roused, especially since it wasn't a sure thing?

"Maybe," he murmured softly, though his thoughts were similar to hers. "If I don't go, I'll never know."

"What if he is, B'ram?"

"I don't know," he replied, curling an arm behind his head. "That's what I'm trying to figure out."

Traelyn fell silent for a moment as she shifted, nestling closer against him. "Have you ever...thought about children before?"

"Atreyn and I had talked about it a couple times." It had been their dream to have a family one day. At least he had _thought_ it was a shared dream. Children was probably still part of her plans, just not with him. Faranth, last thing he needed right now was to be thinking of that mess.

"I've thought about it too."

His head quick turned towards her, taken aback by her admission. "When?"

She shrugged a shoulder, a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny. "I thought about it when I was at Far Island still." When circumstances had forced her to think about it. Turning her thoughts away from those dark memories, she murmured, "But in the past Turn or so I've been thinking about it more and more."

"The past Turn?" Faranth, did she mean with _him_? Or with that bronzerider? Neither possibility settled well with him at that moment.

She stiffened against him, warned by the tone of his voice that he was uneasy. Her jaw tightened, and she hid her sudden hurt and vulnerability behind dry sarcasm. "I think it's natural for most women to do so when we're past the age of twenty-five, so don't take it so personally."

"And you're choosing _now_ to tell me this? What is this, one of those 'while we're on the subject' things?" Shards, did she have to turn his problems around and make it all about her and her own flaming biological clock?

She snorted and sat up, moving away from him. "I know your upset about all this drama that came raining down on your shoulders today, but I'm not going to lay here and let you take your crap out on me."

And this was the last thing B'ram needed right then. Shouldn't he have expected this from Trae by now? 'You gave that girl a child, so I want kids too!'? He just couldn't deal with her selfish needs and insecurities right then. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, deciding it was better to curl up with Girifith out on the ledge. At least he could count on his lifemate's support.

Last updated on the January 31st 2010

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