Facing the Onions

Writers: Chelle, Ames
Date Posted: 14th December 2010

Characters: Sarban, Trewlin
Description: Sarban watches Trewlin and the boy doesn't follow directions.
Location: Emerald Falls Hold
Date: month 12, day 3 of Turn 5
Notes: Mentioned: Lisadi, Miranek

Trewlin sat, staring with sorrowful eyes into his bowl of breakfast. He swallowed, but even that action hurt. He felt like he should be with Lisadi, protecting her, the way she protected him, but instead, he was here, staring at his breakfast. His heart was heavy. Even though Master Miranek had said she would recover, Trewlin was still very worried. He had no one else but Lisadi now. She'd given him a new start and he hadn't made things easy for either of them, but what if she didn't get better? He felt that lump growing in the back of his throat once more at that thought. At least he wasn't alone now.

"Eat your breakfast or you're going to be hungry during lessons." Sarban took a bite out of his wherry eggs, mixing it with some sausage. **How did I get talked into being a fosterfather?** he thought to himself, knowing Corowal was going to love this when he heard about it.

Trewlin pushed the food around on his plate. He wasn't hungry. His stomach ached almost as much as his heart did. He wished he didn't have to go to his lessons today. He shoved a bite of food into his mouth, but it tasted like dirt to him. His eyes were downcast as he stared at the plate of food that he would normally gobble up faster than a runnerbeast. "Do you think she'll really be okay?" He asked the question so quietly, without looking at Sarban. Trewlin felt his heart constrict and that feeling like he wanted to cry once again. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. He would _not_ cry in front of Sarban. He was not a baby.

"Of course. If Master Miranek says she will be, she will be. She just needs some time to rest. You know how you have to rest when you get real sick? Same thing." He acted like it wasn't serious, though he was still a little worried. If Trewlin saw him worried, he'd pick up on it.

He swallowed. Sarban sounded confident, so Trewlin would be confident too. "Could I stay with you today instead of my lessons? I could learn so much by watching and helping you? I'd be good. I promise." He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts all day in class. Sarban made him feel safe, almost as safe as he felt now with Lisadi. He looked up eagerly at the Steward and then quickly dropped his gaze. **He's not going to say yes. He doesn't want you around. He's just doing this cause he has to.**

"You'll go to your harper lessons just like everyone else. I'm going to pick you up after, though." Sarban had duties to complete and he couldn't have Trewlin underfoot all day. He did recognize, though, that he had to be there for the boy.

He tried to hide his disappointment by shoveling his fork into his food and then quickly into his mouth. After he swallowed and glanced up, he mumbled, "I'd better go if I don't want to be late." Trewlin waited for Sarban to dismiss him from the table, though all he wanted right now was to get away, hide the inner turmoil he was feeling.

"Trewlin, it's going to be okay. I promise." Sarban hoped that would give him some reassurance as he watched him. "Go on then."

He swallowed with difficulty and nodded his head, though he kept his eyes downcast. How could he tell him that hearing that only made him feel worse. Didn't the adults always try and make you feel better when they knew things were bad? He rose quickly and grabbed his things for lessons, before mumbling a goodbye and darting out of the room.

Trewlin, however, did _not_ go to his classes. How could he? All he wanted to do was cry and if he did that in front of the other boys they would call him a crybaby. Clutching his bag to his chest, he instead ran down the corridors and outside to one of his favorite trees. It was just far enough away that he felt like he could be alone, yet not so far that he couldn't get back quickly. Running behind the tree, he dropped his bag and slid to his knees.

That was when the tears came. Trewlin sobbed, like he hadn't since his parents had died in the fire. Soon, he was bent over his knees with his face nearly in the ground. "You can't take her," he cried into the Earth. "I need her." He sniffled and hit the ground with his fists, angry that he hadn't been able to do more to help Lisadi, angry because he cared and he'd vowed he would never care about anyone again after the fire.

Finally, after some time had passed, Trewlin sank back against the tree trunk, sniffling and trying to wipe away the tears with his dirty hands. He pulled his knees up to him and wrapped his arms around them. **What do I do now?** He wondered.

Sometime later, Trewlin, exhausted from not having slept well the night before and from the strength of his cries, felt his eyes close as he leaned against the tree. His body slid to the ground and he slept. The sun moved across the sky well into the afternoon and still he slept, alone, just out of sight of most people, unless they specifically glanced into the trees.

Sarban had gone to pick him up from lessons and was surprised when the harper said the boy had never shown up. **He said he learned from last time. When I find him...** Angry and afraid since Trewlin was his responsibility, he went first to the boy's quarters and then to the infirmary to see if the healers had seen him. The Headwoman hadn't seen him for chores either. Finally, he basically went walking around the Hold. Some of the boys mentioned seeing Trewlin, which led Sarban to where the boy was resting. Frowning, he stood there and watched him sleep, willing himself to calm down before he spoke to the boy.

He rolled over. The tear tracks on his dirt stained cheeks were clearly evident. The sensation of the sun beating down on him and then...not was what finally woke the boy. He blinked a moment and then his eyes grew as wide as saucers. Sarban! Oh no! Now he was really in trouble! Would the Steward send him away? **Of course he will, you idiot. You ran away again.** Trewlin's lower lip trembled though he didn't cry again. He wouldn't cry in front of Sarban. He jumped to his feet and looked at Sarban before quickly lowering his face to the ground and wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve. He waited for his punishment to come. All he wanted was to be held, the way Lisadi did at night when he was afraid, but instead, he clasped his hands in front of himself, clenching them together, waiting for what he expected to hear.

"I know that you know what you did wrong. What I want to know is why you did it." He frowned, ignoring the tears. If Trewlin was going to disobey him, he was going to be straight with the boy. He understood his reasons, but he couldn't let it go by completely.

Sarban hadn't yelled at him, but his words were sharp and it felt as though he had. It was almost like a well of fear, anxiety, and anger burst forth inside him. "Everyone I care about leaves! She's going to leave, too! I don't care. I won't care. I..." His little face was contorted with anger and trying to hold back the tears he felt trying to spill over. He wouldn't cry in front of Sarban. He turned and tried to run away again. No one wanted him anyway. Why did they care what happened to him? "Everyone leaves," he mumbled.

"Is that true? Cause I was right in my office where I said I would be. And I was there to pick you up when I said I would be. You were the one who left, Trewlin." Little boy logic was hard to refute, but Sarban's explanation was simple.

"You don't really want me around," he whispered, his back already to the Steward as he'd planned to run into the woods. Tears were leaking from his eyes now and it couldn't stop them. "You're only doing it cause they made you," Trewlin sniffled and raised his sleeve to wipe at his eyes and nose.

"Who made me? Because if you really think anyone can make me do anything, then you don't know me that well." There was a lighter tone to the Steward's voice now. He was amused by the conversation.

Trewlin finally looked at Sarban again. His face was a mixture of doubt and hope. He quickly lowered his eyes after having glanced up, however as he mumbled, "Now, I bet you're mad." He gulped and looked up again and spouted out quickly, "I wasn't running away or anything, not like before. I just....wanted....to be .... alone," he gulped and looked back down to the ground feeling as though his insides were all twisted up and squeezing at him.

"Then, you could have asked the harper for some alone time. You can't just run off somewhere without asking permission. That's the problem. You specifically disobeyed me. Good holders don't do that, Trewlin." He realized the boy had a lot to learn, which was why he _needed_ to be in harper lessons.

He nodded mutely, accepting the reprimand. Sarban's words, however, clicked in Trewlin's head in some way. Did the steward think he was good holder material then? _That_ thought perked him up a bit.
"I promise I won't do it again," he said, finally looking at Sarban and holding his gaze. He swallowed, wondering if he would be punished. "I _am_ sorry. I'll accept whatever consequences." He tried not to let the feeling of wanting to cry overwhelm him. He would be strong and not fall apart in front of the man he looked up to.

"Good, because I expect you to help the cook with the midday meal. I'm sure someone will have to peel onions." It wasn't a huge punishment, but it would teach the boy that actions had consequences.

He frowned and grimaced, but nodded, accepting the punishment. "Yes, sir," Trewlin replied, reaching down to pick up his bag to head inside and face the onions.

Last updated on the January 22nd 2011

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Facing the Onions