No Confidence
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Eimi, Shelly
Date Posted: 11th December 2005
Characters: Birigundi, Kamira
Description: Birigundi his news to Kamira
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 9, day 19 of Turn 3
"Hey there gorgeous," Birigundi smiled as he walked towards the greendragonet and her rider.
Tayanth turned her head to look at who was addressing the pair and, after giving Kamira mental approval to speak to the boy, went back to laying in the sun.
Kamira rolled her eyes. "Well you're not looking so bad yourself."
"Thanks, but I was actually talking to your dragon," he teased as he reached out a hand to the green in silent request to scratch her eyeridge. "Sure you were." She winked.
"So what's new with you?" He knew it was probably a silly question.
She was a weyrling. She didn't have _time_ yet for anything new.
"Aside from a back-breaking about of chores and a glorious body from bathing and oiling this beast all the time, nothing." She giggled. "How about you?"
"Well," Birigundi started, clearing his throat. "It seems I am to be a father."
Kamira almost hit the floor. "You- you say that so... casually..." She couldn't hide that she was panicing a little bit. This was a big issue -
a big issue infringing on her safe little world. "Are you all right with it?"
Birigundi shrugged. "To be honest, I don't really think I truly understand it yet. I know I will be a father, and yet, really, my life hasn't changed at all."
"Oh." She didn't want to tell him she thought the odds of fatherhood not changing his life were about the same as impression not changing hers.
"I mean, I know it will," he said as he looked into the doubt in her eyes, "and I promise, I don't mean that I will abandon Nialyn or the baby. It's just... I don't know. Maybe its too soon..."
"Well, it's not like you two actually have to _raise_ the baby. Most children are raised by foster parents even if their parents aren't riders." She shrugged.
"Nialyn and I haven't talked about foster parents yet." They really hadn't _talked_ at all beyond the decision to keep the baby. It was hard to know what to say to her after that. "But I want to be at least _some_ part of the baby's life."
"I see riders walking around with their children and foster parents all the time. You can make it work." She put her hand on his sympathetically.
He shrugged as he laced his fingers between hers. "It seems to work. I just can't imagine it yet."
"Well good luck." She patted Tayanth, glad that she had ended up with a dragon and not a baby.
"Good luck?" Birigundi was a little hurt that _that_ would be her response. No congratulations? No word of confidence? "What, you think I can't be a father?"
"I never said that." She was more than a little defensive. "I just know how hard children are. I didn't have siblings growing up, but I had family and younger cousins and they're not easy. I'd wish anyone luck."
"But you're not happy for me? You don't have confidence in me?" She had unknowingly touched on Birigundi's own secret fears. He had spent nights with women as much as possible since he had found out since every night he was alone he lay awake wondering. And now to have no word of faith even from his friends cut him to the quick.
"Everything you've said and how you've said it didn't exactly lead me to believe that you were overjoyed to have a child. How can you expect me to know that you're pleased with all this and that it's all right to tell you those things if you don't show that it's ok?!" She pulled her hand from his.
"Well how am I supposed to be pleased about it when my friends can't even be pleased for me? How am I supposed to be excited about all this when even my own friends doubt that I have what it takes to be a parent?" Shards, why was it people told him to take care of Nialyn, that it would be all right, that he could make it through this. Could no one, not even once just _lie_ to him and tell him he they knew he could be a good father?
Kamira's tone went cold. "You can't expect other people to be happy for you when you aren't happy for yourself."
"Well, forgive me, but its been a little hard to sound happy when no one believes in me. I used to think that was what friends were supposed to do." Shards but he needed to run to clear his head and to work off all his frustration. "My duty to you and Tayanth," he mumbled as he turned and walked away.
Last updated on the December 12th 2005