Out of Control

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 15th December 2005

Characters: Harki
Description: Harki flees from the Infirmary and has an argument with her dragon
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 21 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows 'DFW: My Way' Also, a big thanks to Bree and Eimi for not only helping me out with this, but putting up with my slow replies.

Harki managed a stately walk until she was out of sight, and then that stately walk turned into a limping, awkward run as she fled from the Infirmary. She didn't stop until she'd slammed her weyr door behind herself and wedged a small chair beneath the knob to prevent anyone else from getting in. Her ankle throbbed and her hip felt bruised down to the bone, and every heartbeat made the myriad cuts and scraps that decorated her body sting.

}:Harki?:{

The greenrider realized she was gulping for air and tried to slow her racing heart. **Cerillith?**

}:Stop being scared. They are not going to get you again,:{ her green said soothingly, and after a moment Harki snatched a blanket off her bed and slipped onto her dragon's couch. The green was pressed against the wall closest to her lifemate's weyr and had curled up so that there was a space at her side for Harki to sit out of the draft. }:They will not come for you here. I will not let them.:{

"Why didn't you get me out of there before!?" Harki wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and slumped against her dragon's side. There was a lump in her throat that hurt worse than the cut on her head, or her hip, or her scraped knees. Her body ached, and she could feel her shredded skin stinging where it stuck to her pants and shirt. "You _left_ me!"

}:There was nothing I could do, then. Kalamath said that his rider was worried.:{

"Yeah, well he has a sharding funny way of showing it." The greenrider sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. She blinked furiously to clear her blurring vision. "He is such a- an arrogant scorching _dimglow_! I _told_ him I was fine! Why wouldn't he believe me!?"

The green was silent for a moment. }:I do not know.:{

"_You_ knew that I was-"

}:I worry as well. When the ocean swallowed you, I did not know what to do,:{ Cerillith said quietly. }:Please do not do that again. I cannot live without you.:{

"I had everything under control!" Harki hissed. Two hot tears streaked down her cheek and she brushed them angrily aside. "I was _fine_!"

}:No, you were not. You nearly drowned.:{

"But I _didn't_. And I said that I was fine!"

}:Then why are you hurt? And why are you so frightened?:{ her dragon asked. She curled her tail around her rider and lay her head down so that she could see her. Her eyes whirled with concern. }:I can feel you shake.:{

"I'm _not_!" Harki wrapped her blanket around herself a little tighter. Her hip was beginning to ache from sitting on the stone floor. Shards! This was stupid. She _never_ cried. "I'm angry. Scorch U'kaiah. He's changed since he got his knots. He never used to be so- so arrogant! He thinks he can walk all over me just because I'm a wingrider and he's not anymore. Just because he's a Wingleader now doesn't mean that I can't think for myself! Real friends don't pull rank just because they don't get their way."

}:But Kalamath said-:{ Cerillith began, but Harki cut her off.

"No! I don't care what Kalamath said. The fact is that U'kaiah pulled rank because I made a decision that he didn't like. I know myself better than he does and he needs to respect my decisions! And sharding Sarian - I thought _she'd_ stick up for me. But no! Stupid woman is too obsessed with spreading her legs to _dare_ contradict a man." Her eyes were tearing up again, and she paused to knuckle them dry. "I made a decision..."

Cerillith let her rider be until she'd regained enough control over herself to stop sobbing. }:You were hurt, and they worried. Would you not do the same for them?:{

"I'd abide by _their_ choice," Harki snapped, even though deep down she knew that she'd bully them into doing what she wanted them to do anyway. "It's their life. They can control it. Why won't they respect that for me?"

}:Because they-:{ Cerillith began, but Harki interrupted her again.

"I don't want to hear about it, okay? I'm tired, and I'm tired of talking about this. They betrayed me, and that's the end of it." She wrapped herself a little tighter in her blanket so that only her eyes were peeping out. The floor might have been heated, and the air was a little warmer because of the heat that rolled off her dragon's hide, but it was still winter and the mouth of the couch opened directly into the sky. She snuggled against her dragon's shoulder and slowly drifted off to sleep.

And dreamed. She dreamed she was back on the ocean floor, being rolled over and over again against the rocks as her lungs screamed for air, completely and utterly out of control.

Last updated on the December 15th 2005

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Out of Control