A Moment of Weakness

Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 21st August 2013

Characters: Harki
Description: Harki has a moment of weakness after the party
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr, Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 2, day 6 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentor Approved

The party was over and everyone had gone back to their weyrs or
someone else's to sleep off the booze and the exhaustion of
Threadfall. Harki was still awake, though, tidying glasses with an
inch of beer left in them and picking crumbs off the floor. Her weyr
was a total mess, her unpacked bags crushed where people had sat on
them and the air sticky with the scent of leftover alcohol. Normally
it didn't bother her. Tonight it did.

She felt restless. Drunk and too awake and despite the good company,
lonely. She missed B?lac. Crawling into bed beside him, feeling his
arms around her shoulders, the sound of his laugh, the scent of his
hair. There had been too many couples in the room for her to forget
him the way she?d wanted to. Every time someone put their arms around
each other or kissed, she remembered B?lac. The feel of him, the taste
of him.

Shards.

She sank onto the floor and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her
hands. Her muscles ached from Threadfall, her head was beginning to
hurt from the wine and her heart ached for the man she'd left behind,
even if it shouldn't. Leaving B'lac was the smartest thing she?d ever
done. Or maybe it wasn't that smart, not if it left her feeling like
this. It wasn't as if she was known for her brains.

Lying back on the floor she stared up at the ceiling and hoped
something would make her feel better, but the ceiling tilted and spun
and made her feel nauseated instead. She was on her own. Alone. She
nibbled her lip and debated waking up one of the riders who'd offered
to warm her bed and seeing if they'd be okay if she'd changed her
mind. But none of them were B'lac. None of them could ever make her
feel the way he'd made her feel.

He'd been awful to her, yes, but he?d also been amazing, especially at
the beginning. There was a time when he'd look at her like she was the
only woman on Pern that mattered. When he'd kiss her ear unexpectedly
or make faces behind the Wingleader's back to make her laugh. His
hands on her body-her chest contracted painfully and tears pricked at
her eyes. She rolled over and stood, hurrying out of her weyr to wake
up Cerillith, who was curled on her ledge with her nose tucked beneath
her green tail. "We're going to Rising Moons," she told her dragon.

}:It's so late. I was asleep. I don't want to fly in the dark,:{
Cerillith muttered. The dragon raised her head and yawned, sending a
puff of warm air against her cheek. The green?s breath still smelled
faintly of firestone and flame.

"Too bad." Harki climbed onto Cerillith's elbow, hiked up her skirts,
and climbed aboard her dragon bareback. "I need to see B'lac."

}:But you told me not to take you there.:{ Cerillith sounded unhappy.
She twisted her neck to look at her rider, her eyes whirling with
colors that all looked grey in the shadows. }:He makes you feel bad.
And you are drunk. Your balance is not good.:{

"I changed my mind, all right?" Harki hissed. She scrubbed at her eyes
with the back of her hand so the tears wouldn't fall. "I can't? I miss
him too much. I can't do this anymore."

}:I'm here. I will never leave you,:{ the green dragon said.

Tears threatened to fall again, both for herself and for the wretched
mess of emotions she knew she was putting Cerillith through. **I
know,** she told her dragon. **We'll always be together. But right now
I also need B'lac.**

Cerillith sighed, climbed to her feet, and spread her wings and sailed
off her ledge. Catching her balance as the earth disappeared beneath
them took more effort than it should. The moons were bright enough to
see by, and the cold night air dried the tears on Harki's cheeks and
began to cut through the fog of alcohol clouding her brain. She took a
deep breath, then another, and felt the miserable knot in her chest
begin to loosen. Nothing could change her mood like flying.

She pictured the star stones at Rising Moons in her mind, and they
blinked /between/.

~*~

False dawn was lightening the skies over Rising Moons Weyr, chasing
back the stars and turning the edges of the sky a lighter shade of
blue. Light clouds chased each other across the firmament while the
Weyr slept below. And then Harki and Cerillith were there, blinking in
from /between/ with arms covered in goosebumps and eyes dazzled by the
sudden light.

Rising Moons looked disorientingly familiar to Harki: the curve of the
cliff, the pattern of weyrs against stone. But it didn't hit her with
that pang of recognition that coming home to Dragonsfall had. It was
familiar, but not _hers_.

The watchdragon bugled a greeting and Cerillith called back. }:It is
Alliachopeth and R'huruse. They want to know if we will come visit?:{
Cerillith asked. }:I like Alliachopeth,:{ she added after a moment.

If she squinted Harki could see the outline of the dragon against the
rock below, but his rider was invisible in the shadows. Her gaze
drifted from the blue to find B'lac's weyr, but no light leaked from
it onto the ledge. B'lac was probably asleep, curled into another
woman's arms. Harki bit her lip. **What am I doing here?**

}:You wanted to see B'lac. And I want to see Alliachopeth,:{ Cerillith
reminded her. She tipped her wings to begin a descent.

**I?** Harki stared hard at the Weyr below. B'lac wouldn't want to see
her. She'd been the one to leave, not him, and he'd been so cruel.
"You'll come crawling back," he'd sneered, "you'll beg. I'll make you
crawl, bleed, I'll break you. But I won't take you back." And she'd
laughed in his face as the sharp, broken edges of her heart slashed
against the inside of her ribs. "You'll beg _me_," she'd said. "And I
won't care enough to hurt you for it."

Panic rose and threatened to choke her. He couldn't know she'd come
back. **I can't be here. Let's go home, Cerillith.**

She felt the green dragon sigh. }:Can't we visit with Alliachopeth?:{

**No. We have to go.** Harki stared at B'lac's weyr, hoping that he'd
come out and see them, hoping even harder that he wouldn't. **Tell
Alliachopeth that R'huruse can't tell anyone that we came here.
_Anyone_. Got it?**

}:He won't like that,:{ Cerillith groused, but she relayed the message
anyway. }:He asks me why.:{

**It doesn't matter why. He just can't say we were here.** Harki
called Dragonsfall's star stones to mind. At Dragonsfall there was a
warm bed and a Weyr full of people who, if they didn't love her, then
they at least liked her. Most of them, anyway. Some of them. **Take us
home, Cerillith.**

Last updated on the August 29th 2013

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A Moment of Weakness