The Break in the Struggle (Part 1 of 2)

Writers: Clancey, Miriah
Date Posted: 5th August 2014

Characters: J'darin, Ninaine
Description: Break downs are followed by break throughs.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 12 of Turn 7
Notes: Notes: Another in "The Struggle" between J'darin and Ninaine.

J'darin

Ninaine

Rest days were times that Ninaine actually tended to relax. While the
rest of the weyrlings were off doing whatever they enjoyed, Ninaine
tended to keep to herself. At present, she curled up on her cot,
wearing her baggy clothes and held a book in her hand. Lost in the
book in her hands, she didn't have to glance at her side to know that
Luneth napped near her, soft breaths wafting over her.

Thinking to catch up with Ninaine, J'darin made his way to the
barracks. He had a tingling feeling of disaster because the first
time he'd come seeking her in the barracks, it had resulted in
something bad. That something had gotten him scolded by Saibra,
who he had originally started off liking, and scratched to boot.

He thought she had been doing a little better, but he needed to talk
to her anyway about her progress. She was clinging to baggy clothes
that would get her in trouble at best and hurt badly at worst, and on
top of that, he wasn't sure about letting them go /between/ with the
others. They would have to show a lot of progress before he would
let them learn a skill that could take them out of the Weyr if Luneth
got startled or angry or Ninaine decided to run.

He stepped into view, quietly, not wishing to disturb the sleeping green.

His voice was soft, again so as to disturb as little as possible. It
was impossible to imagine how hard it was not to yell at her, loudly,
but he knew better.

"Ninaine... can you come out with me for just a moment? I want to talk
with you. And that way Luneth can continue sleeping."

Pulled away from her book, Ninaine looked up and slowly put it down
before sitting up. She nodded, glanced at Luneth to ensure she was
deep asleep and quietly walked out, following J'darin. Her brow knit
as they emerged outside and tugged at her oversized shirt, tucking her
arms around her for warmth. She pulled her simple braid over her
shoulder and clasped her hands at her front. "Yes sir?"

"Well, I'd like to talk to you about a few things... one is how the
training is going. She is getting better, I think, but I want you to
tell me how you think things are going. You _are_ practicing being
away from her when she's awake, yes?" He arched an eyebrow, wanting
to know from her own lips.

He tilted his head curiously at her. Hasaarth would have said if she
was doing badly, and he knew she was not attacking other dragons or
people any longer, but she was still wearing her 'hold' clothes.

"We also need to have a conversation about your clothes. Once you
and Luneth start flying together, you will be wearing flying leathers.
The clothes you have on.... they will not do. I know you are
trying to be proper and you can do that when you are not flying or
working with your dragon, but we are moving into active time for your
training and you will need to be able to move freely."

She listened to him with a straight face, not an ounce of expression
showing besides polite attention. "Yes, I am practicing and she is
doing much better." She still wanted to be in constant mental contact,
but physical separation was going a little easier. "She's had a few
episodes of being overly protective, but nothing that wasn't handled
quickly." Luneth still smarted over Haloth's discipline and now
avoided attention from both he and Hasaarth at all costs.

It was more difficult to keep a straight face when he mentioned the
clothes and she had to bite the inside of her cheek in order to
maintain her composure and calm. **Remember, its like having a
husband. You have to abide by what the Weyr desires, not what you
want.It's not about what you want any more.** "I have...tighter
trousers to wear for drills sir."

J'darin nodded, happy to hear that piece of information.

"That is very good, Ninaine. I know this is hard for you. But you
need to begin thinking of life as its best for Luneth. Everything is
all about her, now. Most of the ...adjustments.... " And he said
the word with an odd inflection, not sure if that was exactly the
right word for what he meant. "...dragonriders are accused of are
nothing more than putting their dragon's needs above their own. In
a way, it is like being in a very serious relationship, or even a
marriage. " He added the last knowing she would not understand
weyrmates but he understood both marriage and weyrmating since he had
one now. "For example, I have a weyrmate. A greenrider name Devyn.
The proper thing is for me to put her needs first, although often
times, I have to put the weyrlings ahead of her. But we try to think
of each other first. Its like that with our dragons. Their needs,
first."

He paused, wanting to tie the two together. "She needs you to be
whole and unharmed, and as such, proper clothes for riding and working
will help keep you that way."

"The more you fight adapting to the way we live, the harder it will be
for you to stay whole and unharmed. Your emotions also matter to
her. As you'll recall from our emotion lesson, they are very
sensitive to our own thoughts and emotions. And, if you keep trying
to be a hold girl with a dragon at a Weyr, instead of a dragonrider
who came from a Hold at a Weyr, the struggle will continue. Whether
its your clothes, or anything else you struggle to adjust to."

"You are doing well, Ninaine." He said softly. "Would you like to
talk to me about anything else you are struggling with, adjusting to
life here?"

"I'll request some new clothing." Resentment began to curdle in her
stomach. They were so determined to strip away anything that she
identified with and held to be important. Perhaps she should just
start wearing clothing that left noting to the imagination, or better
yet, just walk around naked. It would be acceptable to them. Just as
quickly as the resentment rose, defeat washed over it and her
shoulders slumped slightly. She get the new clothes, she'd wear them.
It wouldn't matter if she hated them. What was the point of fighting
it?

She looked down and slowly shook her head. What was the point of
talking about it any more? "No sir. I'll do what I'm told."

Last updated on the August 12th 2014

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The Break in the Struggle (Part 1 of 2)