A Victory

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 3rd May 2009

Characters: Nialyn, K'lar
Description: A stressed Nialyn finally confronts K'lar on something that has been bothering her for quite some time
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 6 of Turn 5

It was her first night without Lyndi and Nialyn was a nervous wreck. She
had dropped her off at the fostermother's, had told her to be a good girl
and that she loved her and that she'd see her in a day, but she hadn't
liked it. Not one bit. So while K'lar was drilling, she had gone for a
run to try and burn off her anger and clear her head. It hadn't worked as
well as she would have liked it to. By the time she came back to their
weyr, she still felt anxious. Thinking that maybe a long soak in a hot
bath would help before she would meet K'lar down in the dining cavern for
dinner, she shed her clothes and tried to relax in the steaming water. It
had helped ease her stiff muscles, but hadn't helped ease the jittery
feeling within. She couldn't help but wonder if Birigundi had picked
Lyndi up yet, what they were doing, if he knew what needed to be done to
get her tucked in.... Did he know that she liked to have her left hand
free so she could suck on her thumb? Did he know that she didn't like her
feet bound by the blankets--that she would fuss if she didn't have the
freedom to move around? He probably didn't.

Shards, Nialyn needed to stop fretting about that. She couldn't control
it. She could, however, control her own situation--a situation that made
her more angry than anxious. K'lar had had drills that afternoon, but
before he'd vaulted onto Bruith's neck, they'd made plans to have dinner
and share some dessert before heading back to their weyr for the night.
He'd known that tonight was going to be her first night without her
daughter and that she would need him there. Well, she had waited at the
tables for him to show, knowing that he might be a bit late because, after
all, he had Bruith to attend to. But once a half-candlemark had gone by,
and finally nearly a whole one, she had given up, and, feeling humiliated
and angry, left the dining cavern.

Something must have happened--something important. It just wasn't like
him to leave her alone without sending word. Maybe he'd been called in
for a meeting right after drills. He wasn't a Wingsecond or 'third, but
she'd been at the Weyr long enough to know that any dragonrider could get
called away into a meeting. Maybe he had been reprimanded. She winced at
the thought, and sincerely hoped he hadn't been! Her expression was more
worried now than angry as she turned her eyes to the door once again. It
just wasn't like him....

A candlemark and a half had passed between their agreed upon meeting time
and when he finally opened the door to their weyr, his shirt rumpled and
his hair sticking out in several directions, though he had tried to smooth
it down. When he saw that she was sitting there, just waiting for him to
return his face fell. "Shards, Nia, I'm sorry. There was no way for me
to tell you."

She flushed as she stared at him. **Don't think, don't think, don't
think....** Keeping her expression as blank as she could make it, she
rose to her feet. Nialyn wasn't an idiot. He tended to look disheveled
like that after sex, which could only mean that he had come back from a
flight. It had happened before. Last sevenday, when the queen had rose
to mate, had been the most recent occurrence. Whenever this happened she
always had to choose between two ways to handle it: either she would
confront K'lar on it, or she would ignore it. For the past few times
she'd been faced with this particular dilemma, she had chosen the latter.
She certainly didn't like him burning off violent flight lust with another
woman, but she had wanted nothing to do with the sharding, rutting dragons
and their mating flights. The whole situation sounded so perverse. From
what she'd heard from others, mating flights affected the riders of the
dragons chasing in strange ways. They said that once the male caught the
green or gold, the winner became more animalistic in his behavior--that
he, along with his partner, lost his humanity in the base impulses of
draconic rut. And the flight losers had very similar reactions. There
was no romance in it, nothing tender or sweet. It was rough and violent
and breathlessly quick.

But seeing K'lar like he was, right now, made her chest tight with anger.
This was the _last_ thing she needed to see tonight! Why did he bother
coming home at all when it was so sharding obvious what he'd been up to?
It suddenly didn't matter that it had "just been a mating flight." It
suddenly didn't matter that before now she hadn't wanted anything to do
with it--which meant turning a blind eye and continuing on with life as if
nothing was bothering her. As if she didn't feel like she'd been stabbed
in the back. As if he didn't remind her of Birigundi and how he had
treated her. Enough was sharding enough! Nialyn folded her arms across
her chest. "Where were you, K'lar?"

"Just Bruith. It was a green. He didn't win." He figured that was all
the explaination he really needed to give.

His casual attitude made her even angrier. "So you slept with another
woman." Her blue eyes were like chips of ice. "While I was waiting for
you, thinking about you, wishing you were by my side two sharding
candlemarks ago, you were having _sex_ with another woman!"

Oh Faranth, she had to know why. She had been at the Weyr at least that
long enough. "I was... Bruith lost so... It wasn't really sex... I
mean it was, but..."

"But what, K'lar? But you didn't want me? That you wanted another woman
to give you release?" Did he have any idea how that made her feel?

"I don't think you know what flight lust does to a person. It's... very
hard to think about the feelings of your partner. I didn't think you
would want me to come to you like that. _I_ don't want to use you like
that."

"_Use_ me?"

"Well, it's not exactly romantic, you know. It's... intense..." Nia was
just too Holdbred to really understand, and he rather liked it that way.
With her, there was always deeper feeling behind their love making than
just lust.

"Don't patronize me!" she snarled. His tone was reminding her too much of
Biri's tone whenever he would try to "explain" something to her, as if she
hadn't lived in the sharding Weyr for Turns on end. "I'm not stupid,
K'lar. I think I have a pretty good idea what it's all about. But from
what I've heard, it's the winners who completely lose their humanity in
their dragons, not the losers."

"I didn't say that I lost control _completely_... It's just that you...
Just need to skip to the end a little faster than I normally would."

Flushing, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him.
Well, she had assumed as much already. She didn't like it, but she
couldn't stand the thought of him finding release in another woman's arms
any longer. She'd much rather have him come to her. The similar wounds
Birigundi had dealt her were still raw, and perhaps they would be for a
very long time. But she just couldn't bear the thought that K'lar would
continue sleeping around to protect her. "I'm not a child, K'lar. You
don't have to shelter me."

But he wanted to. Especially from this. "Nia, it's just... Wouldn't you
rather keep what we have seperate? Keep it _special_?"

Faranth's name, didn't he understand yet? How could he even think such a
thing? "I don't want to share you. Not with anyone." She finally looked
up at him, blue eyes intense. "I've tried to ignore it, because I know
this isn't the first time you've been with other women. I've smelled them
on you--and I've tried to put it out of my mind. But I don't want to do
that anymore. You're _my_ weyrmate."

K'lar felt a stab of guilt, even though he knew he shouldn't. He had not
intentionally hurt her by seeking satisfaction elsewhere. It was a Weyr,
and there were things that happened here that just didn't happen back in
Amber Hills. He had never wanted her to be a part of them. He didn't
want her to adapt to this way of life. But perhaps he had been naive to
think that he could keep those parts of himself seperate. Of course she
would want him to come to her. Of course she would need to know that he
was hers, and hers alone. In everything. "All right, Nia. I promise, I
will come to no one but you."

She took in a breath, and then let it out slowly. It was a promise she
had wanted to hear from a man for Turns. She wouldn't insult him by
questioning his word. When he gave it, he kept it. She knew that about
him, and it was one of the reasons why he had gained her respect. But
despite it all, the images that whirled in her mind brought on by her
jealous imagination were still too vivid for her to forgive him instantly.
She felt guilty about that, but she would forgive him--she knew she
would. Things would be easier tomorrow. Her expression softened a
little. "All right," she whispered.

He took a few steps closer, wanting to hold her, to reassure her that no
one could take her place. "I never meant to hurt you. I would never do
that. I love you, Nia."

"I love you too." But it was still too soon for her to willingly
surrender to his embrace. Instead she gently pressed her fingertips to
his arm as she met his eyes, letting him know that she accepted what he
said. "I think we should stay in tonight and eat."

"I'd like that," he agreed, covering her fingers with his hand. "Just let
me freshen up a bit."

Nialyn looked after him as he slipped into the bathing chamber. For once,
she wasn't going to follow him in. She didn't want to smell that woman on
him, or watch him scrub away all evidence that he'd been with her.
**Never again,** she thought. This was a victory for her--she knew it
was. But it didn't make her as happy as she thought it would have.
Satisfied, yes. But not happy.

Last updated on the May 24th 2009

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

A Victory